I could see the heartbreak and pain on my grandson's face. He and his "pawpaw" were very close and "pawpaw" made no secret that Jarod was his favorite out of all of the great-grands. In that moment, I was at a loss for words but I needed to hug him and let him know it was going to be all right even though it didn't feel that way at the moment. Jarod has never experienced death on this magnitude. Yes, he has known people who died but they were either very old (and expected) or they were casual acquaintances who got mixed up with the wrong crowd which led to their untimely demise.
I couldn't help thinking that Jarod was going to experience this trauma many more times as those he loves pass away. I knew, in that moment, that I wouldn't be able to shield him from the grief he is going through now and what he will feel in the future.
Death is never easy to deal with and it's got to be extremely hard for young people who spend their young lives loving their older grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.
I can't do it now but at some point I will let him know:
1. It's OK to grieve. It's normal. Holding your emotions inside will only create turmoil on down the road.
2. You will get through it, even though it doesn't feel like it right now.
3. You're not alone. Others have feelings they have to work through as it relates to the loved one's death.
4. Cherish the memories and when you're ready, share them with others. It will help the healing process.
5. Allow your best friend to be there for you. Shutting everyone out can lead to isolation and a state of depression.
The experts say it's never a good idea to direct what a grieving teenager should do, say or feel. Don't force them to talk if they don't want to---but when he's ready I'll be there.
I know my time is coming, too, at some point.
