Don't take "the change" too seriously

You sell your home heating system at a yard sale. (Hot flashes)

* The person you sleep with complains about snow piling up on the bed. (Nightsweats)

* Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him. (Mood swings)

* You write post-it notes with your kid's names on them. (Memory loss)

Your husband comes home from work ready for a little whoopee and your response is, "If you value your life you won't touch me!" (Irritability)

* The phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest. (Sleeplessness)

* You find Guacamole in your hair after a Mexican dinner. (Fatigue)

* You change your underwear after every sneeze. (Mild incontinence)

* You need Jaws Of Life to help you out of your car after returning home from an Italian restaurant. (Sudden weight gain)

* You ask Jiffy Lube to give you a vaginal lube job. (Dryness)

* You take a sudden interest in "Wrestlemania". (Female hormone deficiency)

* You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a field trip to Chippendales. (Hormone therapy)

Enjoy the journey 'cause there's no turning back.

Beverly Mahone
Author
Whatever! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age
www.thebabyboomerdiva.com

This Baby Boomer Diva is Getting Sick of Oprah!

When Oprah first came onto the national talk show circuit, I was one of her biggest fans. I accepted her weight, bad hairdos and all. I supported her when she went through her yo-yo dieting phase. I continued to support her even as she began to receive criticism from some of my friends and others who felt she had "crossed over" and forgotten her roots. They accused her of catering to an upper middle class society of white women. I called it an excellent marketing strategy. After all, those of us who had worked in the media industry know how difficult it can be to receive mass appeal because no matter how good you are, race always seems to come into play.

When the so-called non-fiction author James Frey duped the Talk Show Queen last October with his "fiction" book called "A Million Little Pieces" I was as angry as she was. How dare Frey set a bad example for the rest of us non-fiction writers in the world! And then Fifty Cent had the nerve to criticize her because she wouldn't invite him on her show. I could understand that so why didn't he?

But what I don't understand is why Oprah is continuing to ignore ME. I've sent her several copies of my book, "Whatever! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age" and I've been waiting for word as to when I'm going to be on her show. Unlike most books she picks, my book is geared specifically for her target market. It's the kind of book a woman needs as she prepares to enter a new phase of life called menopause. It's not filled with psycho-babble and words you have to look up in the dictionary in order to understand it. But what does she go and do? She chooses a book called "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy. Apparently this author is somewhat of a recluse. A published report I read said he's only given two interviews in 40 years. Whatever!

OK Oprah, honey, this baby boomer diva has had enough of your snobbiness but I guess in all fairness to you "It ain't personal...it's menopause!"

Visit me at www.thebabyboomerdiva.com and purchase a copy of my book so you will know firsthand what Oprah is missing.

The Vagina Monologues

"Have you ever seen your vagina?" What a question to ask! Personally, I don't think it's anybody's business where this Baby Boomer Diva sticks her nose but apparently some women didn't mind answering the question. That question helped created Eve Ensler's book, "The Vagina Monologues."

This past Saturday night, my girlfriend and I went to see The Vagina Monologues performed onstage at North Carolina Central University. There were these young college girls portraying women who boldly expressed the memories and experiences with sexuality as it was related to Ms. Ensler. I had to blush a little when I heard these young girls, who could've been my daughters, refer to vaginas as "cunts" and "coochie snorchers." How could a vagina be compared to a village? And as someone who is in perimenopause, I am no longer interested in hearing about the flooding of the red sea.

But I sat and listened intently to the messages being delivered and I understood that this was more than just a play about women talking about vaginas. It was more about raising awareness of the sexual violence against women---not just here in the US---but all over the world. It was also a celebration of female sexuality in all its complexity and mystery.

As a result of watching the play, this baby boomer diva will never look at her vagina the same way again.