Last weekend, a young man my daughter knew was shot to death outside of his apartment complex. His name was Dennis Hayle and he was a 22-year-old senior from New York. He was scheduled to graduate from North Carolina A&T in the Spring.
Who shot him remains a mystery. No one is talking even though there was a crowd of young people gathered at a "house party" right across from his apartment complex that same night.
My daughter, Janie, said the college community is grieving hard for this young man who was a good student and a good all-around person. He always had a kind word for everyone. As she reflected on seeing him just hours before his murder, Janie joked about how she couldn't believe he was a member of Omega Psi Phi fraternity because he just didn't fit that "rowdy boy" image.
What is disturbing about this story (in addition to the fact that no one is talking) is that students open up their apartments to complete strangers for the purpose of having a "house party." The fact that someone you don't know would come to your house and kick it with other strangers is beyond me. That would be like Nate and me posting signs all over town inviting everyone to join our Super Bowl Party.
Have young people become some impersonal with each other that they don't really care who they associate with as long as everyone is having a good time?
Well, I can say this for my daughter. She's decided "house parties" are no longer in her college life future.
Showing posts with label "North Carolina A and T". Show all posts
Showing posts with label "North Carolina A and T". Show all posts
Friday, January 30, 2009
Saturday, October 04, 2008
What a Difference College Life Makes
It's funny how college can change the relationship between a parent and child. It certainly has changed mine.
Since my daughter went away to school, we talk EVERYDAY. She calls up and says the same thing:
"Whatcha doin'?"
My standard response is, "On the computer."
Then she says, "Guess what?"...and proceeds to tell me a story about something that happened in one of her classes or on the campus.
It's so funny because when we were living in the same house,there were times when we would go without speaking for days. Menopause and PMS ruled our worlds!
But now it seems there is less stress and anxiety to deal with. We're getting along very nicely from a distance. The truth of the matter is, I believe we have come to a point where we are really learning to respect each other. My daughter is finally starting to see there has been a method to my "You better get your butt in gear!" madness for the past four years. I, meanwhile, am seeing a caterpillar begin to break out into a beautiful butterfly.
Yeah, both of us are still a little rough around the edges with even more growing to do----but we now know we have a purpose----and it's a little boy named Jarod.
Since my daughter went away to school, we talk EVERYDAY. She calls up and says the same thing:
"Whatcha doin'?"
My standard response is, "On the computer."
Then she says, "Guess what?"...and proceeds to tell me a story about something that happened in one of her classes or on the campus.
It's so funny because when we were living in the same house,there were times when we would go without speaking for days. Menopause and PMS ruled our worlds!
But now it seems there is less stress and anxiety to deal with. We're getting along very nicely from a distance. The truth of the matter is, I believe we have come to a point where we are really learning to respect each other. My daughter is finally starting to see there has been a method to my "You better get your butt in gear!" madness for the past four years. I, meanwhile, am seeing a caterpillar begin to break out into a beautiful butterfly.
Yeah, both of us are still a little rough around the edges with even more growing to do----but we now know we have a purpose----and it's a little boy named Jarod.
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Parenting 101: The First Semester
As a new college parent, I am learning how to step back and allow my daughter to take control of her own. Just like any parent, I want the best for her but I understand my parenting needs to be different.
When you "hover" over your child you build a barrier between you and your college student. You give them the message that they cannot do anything on their own without their mother and father.
Here are some tips I found useful from an article I read recently:
1. Avoid too many phone calls during the week. Establish a once a week time to talk. Use this time to catch up with everything that has happened. It may be 15, 20, or 30 minutes. The point is, you are not there constantly hovering over your new college student. Let them know that if they need to talk, you are available. But don't just call to be calling. You may make them feel as if you're checking up on them.
2. Encourage your college student to seek available resources at school. Make sure your child knows who their academic advisors are and encourage them to seek them out for the advice they need. Other resources include student affairs, career centers, medical clinics and other counseling centers. Your student should be familiar with these resources available to college students.
3. Encourage your child to get involved. Throughout their college years, your child should engage in their college's ongoing student activities. You can also suggest that they volunteer for charitable activities. Healthy activities help to combat some of the loneliness your new college student child may feel when they first go to college. And, it's a perfect opportunity for them to meet a diverse group of friends.
4. Let them be in charge of their own finances. Credit cards are disasters waiting to happen. Adults have issues with credit cards. How can we expect a college student to do better? Instead, you should be clear about their monthly living expenses. Use a debit card and each month deposit a set amount. Do not give ANY additional money, unless there is an emergency. This gets your child in the rhythm of budgeting and will teach them how to become more independent.
When you "hover" over your child you build a barrier between you and your college student. You give them the message that they cannot do anything on their own without their mother and father.
Here are some tips I found useful from an article I read recently:
1. Avoid too many phone calls during the week. Establish a once a week time to talk. Use this time to catch up with everything that has happened. It may be 15, 20, or 30 minutes. The point is, you are not there constantly hovering over your new college student. Let them know that if they need to talk, you are available. But don't just call to be calling. You may make them feel as if you're checking up on them.
2. Encourage your college student to seek available resources at school. Make sure your child knows who their academic advisors are and encourage them to seek them out for the advice they need. Other resources include student affairs, career centers, medical clinics and other counseling centers. Your student should be familiar with these resources available to college students.
3. Encourage your child to get involved. Throughout their college years, your child should engage in their college's ongoing student activities. You can also suggest that they volunteer for charitable activities. Healthy activities help to combat some of the loneliness your new college student child may feel when they first go to college. And, it's a perfect opportunity for them to meet a diverse group of friends.
4. Let them be in charge of their own finances. Credit cards are disasters waiting to happen. Adults have issues with credit cards. How can we expect a college student to do better? Instead, you should be clear about their monthly living expenses. Use a debit card and each month deposit a set amount. Do not give ANY additional money, unless there is an emergency. This gets your child in the rhythm of budgeting and will teach them how to become more independent.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Passing the Torch from Baby Boomers to Millennials to Gen Z
Whether baby boomers can accept it or not, a changing of the guard has taken place with millennials and the up and coming Gen Z generations...
