Women's History Month Profile: Big Mama

I never knew why we called my grandmother "Big Mama" because, physically, she was one of the tiniest women I had ever known. But based on the stories my dad (her son) used to tell, she earned the name!

Big Mama was born Samantha McCaston in Macon County, Alabama on June 2, 1883. I don't know the exact birthplace, but she raised her six children in a town called Notasulga. She was 43 years old when she had her last child---my dad. The street they lived on was nothing more than a dirt road with a little white church at the top of the hill.

I used to hate going to visit there because Big Mama was very strict. I was never allowed to wear anything above the knee so shorts were definitely a no-no. Can you imagine being in Alabama on the hottest of days and only being allowed to wear dresses? And the dresses couldn't be sleeveless. She always said she didn't want to "no white man the wrong idea." Of course, as a child I had no clue as to what that meant so I just did what she said. I always remember her sitting on her porch in a white rocking chair with "Miss Anna" and a jar of snuff.

As I reflect back on my experience with Big Mama, I have to say I admired her for a number of reasons. She ended up having to raise six children by herself. My grandfather was already dead by the time I was born and no one really wanted to talk about what happened. I have reason to believe he was a part of the Tuskegee Experiment they did back in the 30's but I've never been able to prove it. In addition to raising her children alone, she tended her large farm land and was always very particular about her vegetables. Every Sunday she would walk to the little white church on the hill and get her praise on.

All of my aunts, my uncle and my dad were fabulous cooks. I believe if my dad had never married he would've done just fine on his own because he not only knew how to cook (better than my mother) but he also ironed, washed clothes and maintained a very clean home. He always said Big Mama told them she wanted them to be able to make it on their own and she taught them how. My dad even had a garden in our back yard for many years.

Although Big Mama wasn't born into slavery, I don't think she ever fully realized what it meant to live in a "free society." Even though the Emancipation Proclamation was established in 1863, the Jim Crow "Separate but Equal" laws were the norm---especially in the South so my Big Mama just stayed in her own little space.

Big Mama lived to be 101. She outlived three of her children including my dad, who died of heart failure two years earlier. The last time I went to visit her was right after I graduated from high school. By then she was pretty frail and didn't recognize anyone.

It's funny how when we are kids we don't see the relevance of talking to our seniors but they have so much history to share. Sometimes I wish I had spent more time with Big Mama to learn more about her struggles. I wish I had kept one of her handmade quilts she used to send us every Christmas. All I have now are memories. Memories of a woman who made a difference in my life in more ways than she will ever know.


***In honor of Women's History Month, I am sponsoring a contest. To enter, you must be a subscriber to my Newsletter. http://www.talk2bev.com

Also, Join women around the globe making history during Virtual Woman’s Day™
Thursday, March 15, 2007 – http://www.virtualwomansday.com ***

Women on the Move & Making History

One of the beautfiul things about growing into middle age is I have gained the benefit of wisdom. It's like a light bulb went off in my head around 40 and all of a sudden I was ready to stand up and take charge of my life and to make a difference.

I am proud to be a middle-aged woman because I've seen enough and done enough over the course of my life to now prepare to pave the way for future generations. We, as middle-aged women, have made quite an impact on the way our world is shaped today. We’ve come a long way, but there’s still a lot of ground to cover.

As you are aware, March is Women's History Month. I am dedicating the month by profiling women who have made a difference in my life. You're welcome to read my blogs starting Monday. I also invite you to post your own memorable women and you may add them to my blog---if you like. I'm actually starting with my grandmother--who lived to be 101.

In addition, I am sponsoring a "Women on the Move and Making History" Contest, where one lucky winner will receive $75 for guessing the correct answers. Another winner will receive $25. The questions won't be easy but I'll be offering a hint :)

THERE IS A CATCH......

You must be a subscriber to my Live to Be Drama Free Newsletter because only the subscribers will be eligible to enter this contest. You can subscribe by going to my website:

http://www.talk2bev.com

Thanks for your continued support!

Don't Make Menopause an Excuse for Being Fat

As women approach menopause, weight gain is one issue that becomes a primary concern for many. If you've had a weight problem before, you may find it harder to lose the additional weight. If you've been able to maintain your weight over the years, you many now find you have to work much harder to keep the pounds off. Therefore, menopause and nutrition go hand in hand, so don't make menopause an excuse for being overweight.

While there are some experts who claim that the fluctuation in a woman’s hormone level is the cause for weight gain, others believe it is due to an increase in age and the decrease in muscle mass and metabolism. Who can really say? The key to keeping the weight off, in any stage of a woman’s life, is through a combination of diet and exercise; and should commence during the perimenopausal stage.

It is important to consume foods low in fat, saturated fat, and cholesterol and it is also recommended that the fat intake should be less than 30 percent of your daily calorie intake. Eat fruits, vegetables, and whole grain cereal products, especially those high in vitamin C and beta carotene. Persons of all ages should consume 20 to 30 grams of fiber daily. Avoid foods and drinks with processed sugar, as many of these products contain empty calories and promote weight gain. Avoid salt-cured foods, which would eliminate pork from your diet. That means giving up ham, bacon, hot dogs, etc. These foods are high in sodium, which can lead to high blood pressure, which is a serious risk for aging women. White bread is also another no-no as it contains starch, which provides no nutritional value.

Regular exercise not only benefits the heart and bones and helps regulate weight, but can elevate one’s mood and create a sense of balance within. Conversely, women who are physically inactive are more likely to suffer from coronary heart disease, obesity, high blood pressure, diabetes, and osteoporosis.

While dieting and good nutrition habits are important when we are young, it has become a vital component of good health when we reach menopause. Although it may seem the cycle never ends, maintaining a proper diet is necessary to enjoy this particular time in your life. If you have never had the desire to exercise before, now would be a good time to begin. If you incorporate a healthy diet and exercise into your daily life, there should never be a reason to blame menopause as an excuse for being fat.


Beverly Mahone is the author of "Whatever! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age." She recently appeared as a baby boomer expert on MSNBC-TV.

Breaking the Silence: It's not our Mother's Menopause

We drive the ones we love away from us because we are unwilling to share what’s going on with us mentally and physically. Why can’t we tell them when we hurt? Not in an angry tone but in a loving, “do you understand, please help me” tone?”

Some degree of menopause anxiety is to be expected given the dramatic changes a woman goes through during this significant life event. But for some women the symptoms are so severe that they affect their daily activities and relationships.

If you are beginning perimenopause or if you are actually going through menopause and dealing with an anxiety problem, there are things you can do to make menopause anxiety symptoms less troublesome.

Talk to your doctor about the menopause anxiety treatment methods that are best for you. Remember that you do not have to allow menopause anxiety to turn your life upside down. Get some professional advice and discover the joy of being yourself again.

Talk to your spouse and help him understand what is going on with your body as well as the emotional mood swings you experience. He can't help you if he doesn't know what's going on.

Remember, this is not our mother's menopause. There's no need to be silent anymore."

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...Yes, I'm the Fairest One of All!

When I was in my twenties, I was so busy living for the moment that I never had time to think about tomorrow. I was in the beginning of what was expected to be a big time television news career. I had a body that turned heads and a burst of energy for my very active lifestyle. I was what you would call a Diva.

In my thirties, I started taking life more seriously. I was focused on a lifetime of happiness with my husband and daughter while working hard to develop my career. I was determined not to let anything or anyone stand in my way.

Now I'm in my late 40s reflecting on the would've, should've, could've aspects of my life. What was supposed to be a big time television career resulted in a stressful, dead end job that just paid the bills. That lifetime of happiness with my husband ended abruptly in divorce court and I spent many frustrating days and nights trying to raise a child by myself.

To top it off, I'm now trying to cope with growing older in a world that caters to the young. It seems as though middle age sneaked up on me like a thief in the night and with it came changes for which I wasn't prepared.

These days when I look in the mirror, I see a woman I'm not sure I recognize. She has strands of gray hair and wrinkles in places easily seen. That drop dead gorgeous body has been replaced with some unattractive bulges and cellulite. These are just a few of the road signs pointing to my journey into middle age.

Growing older is a trip but not what I'd call a vacation. I certainly don't have that relaxed feeling you're supposed to get after some hot fun in the sun. These days I don't need any sun to get hot and I definitely wouldn't classify getting older as fun.

Friends contend you can slow down the aging process but I argue you can't stop it. So for all you women who think you'll look twenty-five forever, forget it!

All the plastic surgery in the world will not help. I don't care how many face lifts, botox shots or tummy tucks you receive, at some point in your life you will feel what it's like to grow older.

That’s the frame of mind I was in as I started writing. My book, Whatever! A Baby Boomer’s Journey Into Middle Age began as a journal of frustration that turned into a book of celebration. Throughout the pages I share the discoveries I’ve made about growing older. Yes, I’m getting older---but I’m also getting better. I’ve become so much more mature and confident in being who I am. These days, I’m connected spiritually to a Higher Power that helps me to soar to even greater heights.

OK, so I’ve put on a few extra pounds but it doesn’t change the person I am on the inside. I’m fabulous and bodacious, sassy and classy and as my daughter would say, “all that and a bag of chips!” And guess what else? I finally figured out the difference between LUST and LOVE.

Whatever! A Baby Boomer’s Journey Into Middle Age is for you if you or someone you know was born between 1946 and 1970.

It's for you if you can't figure out your mother's bizarre behavior or are trying to cope with your own emotional roller coaster.

Are you back on the dating scene after spending years believing you had found Mr. Right?

Do you have teenagers who think they know more than you do?

By no means do I claim to be an expert who has the remedy for what ails your middle age heart, body and soul. This book traces my personal into a world that is bringing about new challenges and forcing me to deal with my own mortality.

I know I can't turn back the hands of time so I just say WHATEVER!

You may find we have a great deal in common.

Menopause & Diet

Full-blown meno-pause (also called change of life) is when the menstrual period ends, which normally occurs during middle age. Meno-pause in some women has also been known to occur as early as their mid 30's especially if ovarian production of estrogen and progesterone in their bodies begins to decline.

Needless to say, a deficiency of hormones is going to have a significant impact on both physical and mental health. Diet, exercise, lifestyle changes and dietary supplements like zinc and selenium can reduce the symptoms of menopause.

Here are some common diet solutions for hot flashes for women who are approaching or in menopause:

• Limit caffeine intake. Tea, coffee, alcohol, spicy foods and caffeinated beverages can have an effect. High amounts of caffeine may aggravate hot flashes and weaken the bones.
• Take vitamin D. You can get enough from exposure to sun for a few minutes each day. The daily intake should be 400 to 800 IU.
• Consume calcium. The daily intake should be 800 to 1,500 mg. Good sources of calcium are dark green vegetables, low-fat dairy products, salmon and legumes.
• Stop smoking. Smoking increases the risk of osteoporosis, hip fracture and also increases the risk of heart attack and stroke.
Soy best in moderation
• Eat a diet rich in phytoestrogens. Examples are tofu, nuts, seeds and flaxseeds to protect your heart. Even though soy protein contains phytoestrogens, which help balance your hormones, soy also has other phytochemicals called phytates that can block the absorption of necessary nutrients such as zinc and iodine, so use it wisely. The best way to eat soy is in its fermented form, since it reduces the nutrient-blocking effects.

Weight gain can occur during menopause due to the changes in hormone levels, possibly due to declining estrogen. In order to maintain a healthy weight, you need to eat less calories less and exercise more. Consistency is the key to your exercise program because it will also help keep away any additonal pounds.

Some have asked if men go through menopause. The answer is yes! They do experience the so-called the change of life as a result of declining hormones. Low testosterone is commonly seen in men beginning in their 40s. This is associated with symptoms of aging in males.

Beverly Mahone is an author and baby boomer expert. For more information, visit her website: www.talk2bev.com

Help, My Body is Under Attack!

My doctor said the weight gain was a result of my metabolism slowing down. She said it was one of the symptoms of perimenopause and part of the aging process. But there was good news according to her. “Just cut back on your calorie intake, Beverly, and exercise,” she said. “That will keep your weight under control.” Oh, that’s just great. Not only do I have to eat like a bird but then I have to sweat like a pig in the gym!

Weight gain and hot flashes were my introduction into the world of menopause. As soon as I knew what I was experiencing had a name attached to it other than “lunatic”, I started doing research because I wanted to know more about what I could expect physically and even mentally. I discovered weight gain begins primarily during perimenopause. It is estimated that a woman may gain a pound a year during this time.

It is believed that hormone levels associated with menopause are not the sole cause of weight gain. However, aging and lifestyle does play a major role in how your body changes over the course of time. The reasons are that menopausal women tend to exercise less; eat more; and burn fewer calories. The result is a shift in the composition of your body which results in more fat and less muscle as your metabolism slows down. It is no surprise that genetics most definitely contribute to weight gain. If your parents are on the heavy side, chances are you or one of your siblings will inherit that particular body type as well.

While we all know that weight gain can cause health problems, excess weight gain during menopause increases the chance of developing serious conditions. Studies have shown that women who gain in excess of 20 pounds after menopause increase their breast cancer risk by nearly 20 percent. On the other hand, women who lose weight after menopause can reduce their risk of breast cancer by that much and more. It is estimated that women who lose 20 pounds after menopause reduce their breast cancer risk by as much as 23 percent.

In order to maintain a healthy body and reduce the risk of weight gain after menopause, a proper diet regimen combined with exercise is the answer. Exercise increases the metabolism, which allows you to burn fat. In addition, strength training exercises increase muscle mass, which not only boost your metabolism but strengthens your bones as well. Anyone who is on a diet and exercise program knows this to be true.

We all have to deal with the changes in our bodies; there is no escaping that fact. The ugly truth is as we get older; parts of our body will sag; shrink, and expand. Perhaps the trick is to not worry about what you can’t control, but to control the things you can.

One more thing…..my doctor said during menopause I could even lose my desire for sex. Loss of libido is what she called it. Well, I don’t know about you, but I sure hope it doesn’t happen to me because I’d hate to think I wasted the best years of my sex life on my ex!

Portions of this blog are a part of my book "Whatever! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age. It is available on Amazon.com

Baby Boomer Love on Valentine's Day

Out of nearly 400 entries, an essay written by an American wife, mother and grandmother living in Germany, came out on top. The contest was sponsored by Baby Boomer Author Beverly Mahone (Talk2bev.com) and Fabulously40.com. The grand prize winner receives a 3-day, 2-night mini vacation package to one of 26 destinations in the U.S.

"After thirty-two years of marriage, my hubby is still romantic. He doesn’t need to wait for Valentine’s Day to light candles, bring home flowers, cook elaborate dinners or give me a massage…" is how contest winner Angelika Schwarz begins her winning essay. She was one of nearly 400 baby boomer women who submitted entries for the first-of-a-kind contest.

In 250 words or less, baby boomer women were invited to write an essay on what advice they would give baby boomer men to help them prepare for an "exceptionally romantic" Valentine’s Day with their mates. The judges selected for this contest were five baby boomer men who were selected at random by Talks2Bev organizer and baby boomer expert, Beverly Mahone. "I thought it would be a great idea to have middle aged men read what middle aged women are thinking about when it comes to romance," says Ms. Mahone.

After all of the initial entries were read, the field was narrowed down to a total of 11 finalists. Author Debra-Shiveley Welch from Ohio, Author Linda J. Alexander Maryland, Writers Diane Tegarden and Dana Hall California and Nita Lopez of Washington State, Gospel Recording Artist Jenniefer Evans and Author Jaisun McMillian of North Carolina and Poet Eve Hall of Georgia. But in the end, the winning essay came from Angelika Schwarz, a native of Boston, who now makes her home in Germany. Her description of her husband wooed the judges:

"I see in the shadows of the night, his silhouette bending over our grandchild’s crib, as he sings in deep whispered tones an old German lullaby.
Watching him laugh with his sons, till tears of merriment roll down his cheeks.
I see the flicker of admiration and love in his eyes when I just happen to look up at him. I feel the warm palm of his hand, as he lays it on the small of my back as we cross a street."

In addition to Fabulously40.com, other sponsors for the contest were Sonshine Travel, Midlifeheroine.com, Business Resources Podcast Directory, HealthierOutcomes.com, OlderWiserWomen.org, Veriuni All Natural Products, My Little Taste of Italy, The Secrets of Prosperity with Kim Emerson, WECAI Network, Healthy Women’s Network, Gano Excel Coffee & Tally Green.

To view the winners and their essays Ms. Mahone invites you to visit her website at: http://www.talk2bev.com and she laughs and says "Purchase a copy of my book while you’re there!"

A Baby Boomer's Perspective on College Basketball

As long as I can remember I've always been a basketball fan. When I was little, my dad would take me to Cleveland, OH to see the Indians play (if you have to ask what sport, this blog posting isn’t for you). My mom went to high school with one of the “original” Cleveland browns—and he would often stop by our home to chat and eat. As I recall, he LOVED to eat!

As a cheerleader in elementary and high school, I took even more of a liking to sports and developed a sincere interest in learning what I was actually cheering about. I’ll never forget the time one of my fellow cheerleaders started yelling:

FIRST AND TEN, DO IT AGAIN, GO MCKINELY BULLDOGS!”

It was actually a THIRD DOWN play. Or the time someone struck up a “Defense” cheer when we actually had the ball. I’ve often thought of teaching a Sports 101 course just for women but that’s another story…

Being from the Midwest, I’ve always been partial to the Big Ten. Besides, a good friend and high school classmate of mine (Phil Hubbard) went on to play for Michigan. He even played for the 1976 Olympics Team. Even though I graduated from a MAC school, my loyalties were still with the Big Ten. And although I lived in New England for several years and saw some of the most exciting basketball ever, my heart was still with the Big Ten.

And then I moved to North Carolina---where the skies are always blue. That's where Duke and Carolina reign and they dare anyone to come into their territory and dethrone them. I immediately developed a disliking for both teams because of what I saw as arrogance and racism. My ex husband used to tell me stories about how Blacks were never permitted to watch Carolina games when he was a little boy. I really don’t know if that’s true because his track record with the “truth” proved not to be too good. But I will say this: I have seen first-hand the special treatment the black athletes receive while the black students on campus are constantly discriminated against. I have also witnessed the special treatment Duke & Carolina seem to get from the referees when they're playing on their respective home courts. And let’s not even talk about the commentators. They are so biased in their analysis, many times I have to turn down the sound just to appreciate the game.

I witnessed such actions last night as my #1 ranked Ohio State Buckeyes took on #6 ranked Carolina in the annual Big Ten/ACC Challenge. I wanted to believe the game would be played fairly---that OSU would be given the respect of a #1 ranked team. But that was not to be the case. As the game clock ticked away, questionable calls got in the way and NO CALLS became evident. Carolina, as expected, got the win but I tell you, had the game been played in Ohio the outcome would've probably been different. And even if Carolina did win on OSU's home court, I would've felt OK about it because at least I would believe the referees were calling the game fairly.

OK...so here we go...another season of college basketball where I am, once again, the odd woman out in Duke & Carolina’s back yard. But of course, I could always root for NC State or Maryland since their school colors have red in them just like OSU.

And if it’s any consolation, my Ohio State Buckeyes are #1 in Football. Did Duke win a game this year??? And Carolina was also scraping the bottom of the barrel.

Oh well, I’m just a southern fried baby boomer yankee.

A Conversation with Nikki Giovanni

I invite you to tune into my program, Whatever! to listen to a phenomenal interview with a phenomenal woman---renowned poet and author, Ms. Nikki Giovanni.

She talks her bout with cancer and her long journey back to recovery. She also brings us up to date on what she's doing these days.

I also have a special Whatever! Contest running. The first two correct entries will win a very special (and valuable) gift.

One more thing...Ms. Giovanni is offering a special once-in-a-lifetime gift during my November 16 book promotion! This is a gift that no one else will ever receive. And it really is from her---as good as gold as far as I'm concerned.

You can listen to the program by going to: http://www.successtalk.com/whatever

Great things are happening so c’mon and celebrate this Whatever! journey with me!!!!!


Peace & Blessings,
Beverly Mahone
Author, Whatever! A Baby Boomer’s Journey Into Middle Age
http://www.talk2bev.com

I got an email from Bart Simpson!

I opened up my email today (Sunday) and much to my surprise, there was an email from a former Ohio University classmate---Nancy Cartwright. Nancy, as you may or may not know, is the awesome voice behind the cartoon character Bart Simpson. Now if I have to tell you who Bart Simpson is, don't bother to read any further.

I had lost touch with Nancy over the years and decided to look her up. Well, I went through her "fan mail" website and was actually surprised that she responded because you know how a lot of celebrities are...they either send you an automated generic "Thank you for your letter..." or they don't even bother to respond at all. But not Nancy. She sent a personal response. She's still the same sweet, adorable person I remembered back then and more importantly, she hasn't let success go to her head.

She brought me up to date on her life (a member of the divorcee club, like me, and the mother of two teenaged children---I have one). She also reminded me of some of our wild and crazy college days! (The stuff books are written about!).

Now we're re-connected again. I guess I should ask her for a review of my book since we're both baby boomers, right? Wow! We're now baby boomers...hard to believe.

I guess here is where I should do some shameless promotion and ask you to buy a copy of my book on amazon.com

Seriously, I thank God for the friendships I've made over the years.

Peace & Blessings,
Beverly Mahone
Author, Whatever! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age
http://www.talk2bev.com

Who says you have to be a Size 6 to be considered fabulous? WHATEVER!

I’d like all of the Fabulous and Bodacious women of the world to stand up and be counted! I’m talking about baby boomer babes who are 40 years old (plus) and are sassy, classy and spiritually motivated. I’m talking about the women who aren’t afraid to step out on faith and pursue their God-given creativity. I’m talking about the women who can “give you a piece of their mind” in the nicest way and who can make a size 12 (and up) look stylish and sexy. I’m talking about all of the sophisticated ladies!

If you are someone you know falls into that category, why not nominate them for the F.A.B. Woman of the Month---FABULOUS & BODACIOUS. This is NOT a physical beauty contest. It’s about what you exuberate on the inside.

Just send in a picture (full body preferred), along with the nominee’s name, city/state, age and brief description as to why are nominating her. Be sure to also include your contact information.

Each monthly winner (and the nominee) will receive a special gift and next year, a grand prize winner will be selected and a SPECIAL GRAND PRIZE. (how does a trip to the Bahamas sound?). Men are also eligible to nominate their favorite baby boomer babe.

Please go my website to submit your nomination information. http://www.talk2bev.com/

You know, I just love it when the creative juices are flowing. But I guess that’s what being a writer and a baby boomer babe is all about!!!

Peace & Blessings,
Beverly

I need a makeover of mind, body and spirit

I had a restless night. I kept waking up every couple of hours, looking at the clock, trying to prepare myself mentally for the day ahead. I decided over the weekend that I was going to re-commit myself to exercising and eating healthy. I also decided I needed to replenish my mind and spirit by getting deeper into God's Word.

After sending out an email, announcing my new and improved website, I hit the cross country trail at Duke University. I love and hate that course! It's an absolutely fantastic workout, complete with nearly three miles of tough terrain and hills. But, on the other hand, it is a very strenuous workout, and when you combine it with the heat, humidity and "heartbreak hill" you leave the trail thinking it might be OK to let your middle-aged body hang on to a few extra pounds!

I've actually been walking on that particular cross country trail on and off for several years. I used to take my daughter when we were BOTH younger and we would have mini-sprint races along the way. Since she stopped going, I stopped doing the mini-sprints because it's just no fun to run alone. Besides, this baby boomer babe is trying to look halfway cute when she's out there and it's kind of hard to look your best when you're sweating like a pig and constantly gasping for air!

I really don't know how some of those women do it. I mean, I see them jogging along with their ponytails swinging from side to side and they don't even break a sweat and they actually look cute doing it!

WHATEVER!

No, I don't have the ponytail bounce (my hair isn't long enough) but I do have a little jiggle going on. My belly and behind can shake pretty good! On a day like today, I just want to call up Ty Pennington and ask him if he and his crew could come to my home and give ME a makeover.

Anyway, on this particular day, I decided to do a two-for-one. Get a good workout in and have some good gospel music minister to my spirit. These days I'm listening to Jennifer Evans' CD, "Delayed but not Denied." She has a song called "First Aid Building" which says:

"I'm going to the first aid building where God can see you through
I'm going to the the first aid building where you can be made brand new."

I needed to be in the first aid building getting my spirit rejuevenated this morning. I needed to be reminded of God's promise that He will never leave nor forsake me---even when I screw up. I needed to cling on to His promise that He will deliver me from evil, because honey let me tell you, evil is on a rampage and I don't want to be in the way. I also needed to learn how to just STAND STILL sometimes and allow God to handle my situations.

This morning's workout gave me just what I needed!

Peace & Blessings,
Beverly Mahone
"babyboomerbev"
Author, Whatever! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age

Marriage: The second time around

Is marriage really better the second time around? As one who falls into that category, I say absolutely! I'm very excited and feel blessed to have been given another opportunity to love again.

But in hindsight, my first marriage wasn't built on a foundation of love. It was "lust" right from the start. Unfortunately, when the passion started fading away, we realized there was nothing else we had in common. Many young people tend to confuse lust for love and fall into the trap of letting their emotions take control of their logical, rational thinking mind.

In my book, Whatever! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age, I talk about the differences in the way we think when we're young as opposed to when we grow older and wiser. When I look back over my younger days, I realize I spent way too much time craving the WRONG man for all of the RIGHT reasons. I wanted to feel love, to be loved, and to give love in return but the sex clouded my judgement in making sure I was choosing the right mate. Can you relate? How many times did you ignore someone's red flag warnings because you were head over heels in love with the "idea" of being in love? How often did you justify or simply overlook his or her faults and irresponsible behavior because you were so sure they would change?

Then what happens to your happily ever after? Mine ended abruptly in divorce court and I spent many days and nights trying to understand why I let myself get into such a mess. But thank God for maturity and wisdom! Once I wiped the tears away for good and took off the blinders, I began to see what it really meant to be involved in a meaningful relationship.

One of the beautiful things about growing older is it gives us the benefit of wisdom. That, in turn, allows us to make smarter choices. As for me, I'm smart enough not to believe in love at first sight anymore. One reason being, I don't see quite as well as I used to. I'm also smart enough to be more discriminating in my taste. I've learned how to weed out the imitation from the real thing.

So now I'm happy to say God has blessed me with a new love. He's a man who's strong enough to deal with my strengths, yet gentle enough to understand and cope with my emotional stress and strife. I'm totally enjoying my second marriage and yes, it makes lusting after him even better!

Peace & Blessings,
babyboomerbev