The Value of Friendships As We Age

I read an article recently that indicated we tend to lose friendships as we grow older. Ohio University (my alma mater)  Professor William Rawlins says "As people enter middle age, they tend to have more demands on their time, many of them more pressing than friendship. The time is poured, largely, into jobs and families." That makes sense but then I got to thinking about how quickly time is flying by and there are no guarantees for tomorrow so it would be in my best interest to cherish the friendships I have.

Recently I was on my way to the grocery store when I received a call from my friend Maria.  We had been playing phone tag so I made it a point to answer the phone to make the connection.  Although we don't live too far apart, we haven't seen each other in a few years, We mostly keep up with each other via Facebook.  That's where I first learned she was diagnosed with cancer.  "It can't be true!" was my first thought.  When we worked together many years ago, she was one of the most vibrant, lively, gorgeous women I knew.  But as I have learned time and time again, cancer doesn't discriminate.  

For the next hour or so, I was sitting in the grocery store parking lot laughing and reminiscing with the woman I first met 20 years ago while working together at WNCU Radio. Her upbeat spirit lifted me. I was trying to catch up on her life, her family, her diagnosis and how she found out.  When I tell you she has been through, that's an understatement, but her faith and her family have kept her strong through her storms.

In a surprising turn of events during the conversation, I became the one who needed a shoulder.  I was suffering from mental anguish over some personal things in my life.  Did Maria feel sorry for me?  Absolutely not! She used the moment to "school" me, saying she did it out of love, to help me see how petty and ridiculous my attitude was over the issue I shared.  Yes, that's what friends do. They help you peel away your mask, to stop hiding behind your self-righteousness and to let you see what you may be unable to see (or refuse to).

I took Maria's words to heart and when we hung up I decided to make an attitude adjustment.

Some friends, like Maria, come as a gift. We don’t look for them, we don’t have to work at being friends, at least initially - they just arrive. Even so, as time goes by we need to work at every friendship. The best vitamin for making friends if B1.

Friends are a precious part of our lives and we will live to regret it if we lose them through neglect.   

My Girlfriend Turned 65 This Year

I don't know what's more surprising:

1) I have a 65-year-old girlfriend
2) I'm hanging out with the 60 and over crowd

When my friend announced her upcoming birthday, she made it a point to let me know she was going to become medicare eligible. She wore it as a badge of honor. And why shouldn't she? She has lived long enough to earn her medicare stripes. She paid for years as a hard-working employee and now it's time to collect what is rightfully hers.

But the cool thing is she doesn't look a day over 50 and, despite being diabetic, she takes good care of herself by getting plenty of exercise and eating right. Yes, she is among the first wave of baby boomers who turned 65 in 2013. She's gone from "Say it loud, I'm black and I'm proud" to "Say it louder, I'm 65 and I'm prouder!"

It's funny how times change........

Ten years ago, I would not have been in the company of anyone in their 60's unless we were together at church, but it seems as though the older I get, the older my girlfriends have gotten as well.

In my 40's I always felt like the woman who had as much in common with the 30-somethings as I did with my own peer group. Now that I'm on the other side of 55, I don't find the conversations with 30-year-olds to be as stimulating or even worthy of a "girlfriend moment." Now don't get me wrong, there is much to learn from young people when it comes to understanding the new ways of doing business but when it comes to talking about hot flashes, grandchildren, husbands and the good old days, they don't share my journey. They don't KNOW my journey because they haven't arrived there yet.

Of course, there is so much they can learn from me and my older girlfriends but I suspect that they're not really interested in talking about personal summers and their idea of the good old days probably only dates back to the 1980s. But that's okay because the one thing we have gained is plenty of wisdom and experience. That's something that only comes with AGING.

Happy Birthday Paulette!

So how many friends do YOU have over the age of 60?

Make Up Does Not Define Aging Gracefully

I got the shock of my life recently when I ran into an acquaintance at the grocery store. I thought I recognized her but wasn't quite sure so I called her name. It was her WITHOUT makeup. I thought, "Oh my God! Is that really how you look?!"
She looked like a totally different woman and not a very attractive one, I might add.

The same thing happened some years ago when I was working at WITN-TV. I had come into the station early to get my assignment and saw a young woman sitting at one of the anchor desks. I thought she might've been an intern until I got up close and personal and discovered it was our 5pm anchor. She looks downright scary WITHOUT makeup. She had blotches all over her face and her skin had an uneven tone. With makeup she was stunning so that's obviously how she got hired.

During the years I worked as a TV news reporter, my News Director was always encouraging me to wear make-up. I would throw on some lipstick and a little powder for foundation but that's about the most of it. I could never bring myself to take the time to make up my face because I had no model for it. My mother never spent time in the mirror putting on much more than lipstick and some face powder to "take the shine off," as she put it.

The one thing I always admired about my mother was how smooth and unblemished her skin was. Even when she died at 90-years-old, her face showed now signs of being an old, wrinkled woman with sagging skin.

Did you know wearing too much makeup can result in advance aging? Eyeliners and liquid-based foundations contain chemicals that can cause premature aging. You should watch out for liquid foundations that contain silicone since they not only block your pores but also add a few years to your skin.

As I approach 60, I have decided that I am not going to allow makeup to define who I am. I don't need it to enhance my looks. I can do it by eating healthy and exercising. Also, I am blessed to have a husband who doesn't like me wearing a whole lot of makeup anyway so I am growing old gracefully makeup free.

How about you?

The Beauty of Aging

I'm a Baby Boomer. That means I'm middle-aged. When I look in the mirror I see a different face with a few more wrinkles and one that looks more and more like my mother's. I see a body that could use a makeover and some much needed relief from menopause. But I also see a woman who has been abundantly blessed! I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.

That’s the beauty of aging. I appreciate getting older and wiser. It has set me free. I like the person I have become.

I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here I will not waste time lamenting on the would’ve, could’ve, should’ve of my life. And I shall eat dessert every single day. (If I feel like it)

When children lose someone they care about

The day after Thanksgiving the grandmother of my daughter’s best friend passed away. It was expected, but as with any death where illness is involved, family and friends are always hopeful that the end will come later instead of sooner.

I watched in awe as my teenage daughter became a pillar of strength for her friend who was obviously very close to her grandmother. From the moment the decision was made to take her off of the respirator, my daughter stepped up to offer comfort to her friend in the best way she could. She went to the hospital and maintained a vigil with the family. She left---only to return again at midnight---when she learned of her passing.

Just last month I found myself in the same situation when I lost a dear friend. It was if my daughter had watched my every move because she was doing what I had done.

It is expected that baby boomers, like me, will lose older family members and friends as time goes by but when children lose people they care about, it can be a hard concept to truly understand. Hopefully, parents are teaching their children to love, appreciate and respect their aging family members while they’re alive so that when they’re gone, they will have cherished memories to hold on to.

Thanksgiving in the E.R.

Instead of watching E.R. on TV on Thursday night, the scenes played out in real life as my husband and I spent more than six hours in the Duke Medical Center emergency room on Thanksgiving night with my mother-in-law.

To give you a little background: my mother-in-law is in the latter stages of Alzheimers. We moved her from her home in South Carolina to a home care facility close to us in NC so we could look after her better.

The night before Thanksgiving, she apparently fell and sprained her left arm while wandering in the middle of the night. She was taken to the E.R. where a cast was placed on her arm. On Thanksgiving Day, her son picked her up so she could spend part of the day with us and have dinner.

While I was distracted with completing dinner, my mother-in-law decided to remove the cast from her arm. This resulted in major swelling and since no one knew how to put the cast back on without having a major fight on our hands, we figured the best thing to do was to take her back the E.R. to have them do it.

I thought we would be out in an hour max because how long does it take to replace an arm cast? Well, it actually took more than six hours because cases kept coming in that became priority over her:

Case #1: Young man shot in the abdomen while sitting on his front porch. Suspects unknown.

Case #2: Two-year-old sticks popcorn kernel up his nose and required emergency surgery to remove it.

Case #3: DUI driver runs a red light and hits a car full of people who were returning home after visiting family for Thanksgiving.

Case #4: Young pregnant woman has too much to drink and goes into some kind of seizure.

I don’t know if it’s just Duke’s E.R. but their customer service was absolutely HORRIBLE!!! I don’t even want to think about the kind of treatment we could’ve received if we didn’t have insurance.

It was an interesting night and one that kept me from missing the traditional Black Friday shopping spree because I couldn’t get out of bed. I'm also beginning to understand the role many baby boomers, like myself, are going to have to play when it comes to dealing with aging parents.

I'm Baby Boomer 305.24

It seems like our lives are identified by numbers. We have a social security number, driver’s license number and credit card numbers. We even have to have a number to identify the size of our clothes and shoes. Some of us have an incarceration number which, like your driver’s and social security numbers, will never go away.

But I learned recently that I have another number to add to my list. That number identifies me at my public library. That’s right. My book, Whatever! A Baby Boomer’s Journey Into Middle Age is in my local library! It sits right on the shelf alongside the autobiographies of former Secretary of State Colin Powell and Fox News Anchor Bill O’Reilly, to name a few.

It’s truly an honor to see my book sitting in a place with millions of other books. I worked hard on my book and even lost my job over it. Unlike other baby boomer authors, some who got wonderful five and six figure publishing deals, no one wanted to invest in me---so I had to invest in myself (or should I say my husband did). I still don’t have a distributor but it didn’t stop me from getting my book on amazon.com and barnesandnoble.com. Last week, my book reached the Top 100 on Amazon in the Aging category. That’s quite an accomplishment from someone whose advertising budget came more from her drive and determination instead of her pocketbook.

Even with all of the numbers I have to try to remember, I don’t mind being baby boomer 305.24. I do have a problem with my dress size though and I’m definitely working to change it!

Aging, Depression and Heart Disease

There may be a link between depression and heart disease according to a study conducted by researchers at Ohio State University. The findings suggest that chronic depression may play a key role in starting the cascade that can lead to the buildup of plaques clogging coronary arteries.

Researchers have apparently connected an increase in two immune system proteins essential for inflammation to a latent viral infection and proposed a chain of events that might accelerate cardiovascular disease.

Ronald Glaser, a professor of molecular virology, immunology and medical genetics at Ohio State University, said, “To me, this suggests a new way of thinking about how these diseases develop. We carry around these latent herpes viruses in our bodies virtually all our lives and periodically they can hurt us, inducing biological events that could lead to an increased risk of atherosclerosis.”

Glaser, head of Ohio State’s Institute for Behavioral Medicine Research, has focused for years on Epstein-Barr virus (EBV), one of eight different herpes viruses that can remain dormant in the body for a lifetime.

“Perhaps more than 90 percent of the people in North America have been infected by EBV by the time they’re adults,” Glaser said. “Virtually everybody in the country is carrying this virus.”

Increased stress and depression, coupled with aging, can also trigger the latent virus to reactivate and begin reproducing inside cells.

“People need to remember how important depression is, and that when they’re depressed, it can reactivate these viruses, starting the cascade that leads to inflammation, perhaps increasing the risk of cardiovascular disease, according to Glaser.

“So treating depression is very important,” he said.

The next time a doctor tries to tell you “It’s all in your head,” be sure to ask the physician what impact that could have on your heart.

Baby Boomers ARE Enjoying Sex!

I’ve been saying it all along and now a national survey of sexual attitudes, behaviors and problems among older adults in the United States confirms it. Data from the University of Chicago's National Social Life, Health and Aging Project (NSHAP), presented in the August 23, 2007, issue of the New England Journal of Medicine, showed that many men and women remain sexually active—participating in vaginal intercourse, oral sex and masturbation—well into their 70s and 80s.

Now this is the kind of survey I can appreciate. Surely I didn’t think my baby boomer husband and his menopausal wife were in the very small minority of couples who are enjoying a healthy and active sex life.

Today’s report also concluded that sexual activity was closely tied to overall health, which makes perfect sense. Older adults who actively exercise and eat healthy have more energy to spare for things like foreplay and sex.

My thanks goes out to the University of Chicago's National Social Life, Health and Aging Project for conducting such a survey and reminding baby boomers like myself that sometimes all you need is some candlelight, a Luther Vandross CD, a Vitamin E capsule and the right attitude for a “Let’s Get it On” kind of night.

To read the entire report: cut and paste this URL in your browser:

http://www.newswise.com:80/articles/view/532575/?sc=dwhn

Fabulously 50 and Happy!

I am having the time of my life! I never imagined that 50 years old could feel this good. After all, when I was a little girl the age of 50 seemed ancient and everyone I knew who was around that age acted like they had no more spunk left and was just waiting for the day when they could retire.

Well, no retirement for me anytime soon. Actually I don’t have a regular 9 to 5 to retire from but I consider that a blessing. I am not stressed out in a job where I’m underpaid and overworked and having to answer to someone young enough to be one of my children. I am doing what I love---writing and spreading positive messages about aging gracefully. “Enjoy the Journey!” I invite you to read why I'm so deliriously happy in my book Whatever! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age.

OK, so I’ve gone up a couple of dress sizes and I have a little extra jiggle when I walk but I’m doing it with dignity and style and not trying to squeeze into a size 2 or 4 or 6 for that matter. Yes, menopause and its host of annoying symptoms have come knocking at my door, but you know what I say to that? WHATEVER!

My love life couldn’t be better. I have a wonderful NEW husband who makes me hotter than a hot flash! We just celebrated our one year anniversary and I look forward to many more years of making him as happy as he makes me. He truly is the wind beneath my wings---not like my first husband who blew a lot of hot air!

So ladies, my advice to you is to take every negative in your life and find a positive. Sure, you’ll have days when you don’t want to get out of bed and face the world---try facing God instead---and have Him give you that nudge you need.

One more thing: Keep on PUSH—ing (Pray Until Something Happens!)

A Baby Boomer's Look at Death

I was driving past a cemetary the other day and observed a graveside service. I assumed the person who died was old because all of the people paying their last respects were old. But what struck me even more so was the fact that there were so few people there. Was it because the deceased wasn't liked very much or maybe it was because the majority of his or her friends were already dead?

It got me to thinking. We spend a whole lifetime building and cultivating relationships but the longer we live, the fewer friends we end up having in the end. It's a morbid thought for a baby boomer diva who, at this moment, is so full of life.

But we, as baby boomers, must come to terms with the fact that at some point all of is will also travel down that road to final rest. Maybe it's time to make some new "younger" friends.

Women on the Move & Making History

One of the beautfiul things about growing into middle age is I have gained the benefit of wisdom. It's like a light bulb went off in my head around 40 and all of a sudden I was ready to stand up and take charge of my life and to make a difference.

I am proud to be a middle-aged woman because I've seen enough and done enough over the course of my life to now prepare to pave the way for future generations. We, as middle-aged women, have made quite an impact on the way our world is shaped today. We’ve come a long way, but there’s still a lot of ground to cover.

As you are aware, March is Women's History Month. I am dedicating the month by profiling women who have made a difference in my life. You're welcome to read my blogs starting Monday. I also invite you to post your own memorable women and you may add them to my blog---if you like. I'm actually starting with my grandmother--who lived to be 101.

In addition, I am sponsoring a "Women on the Move and Making History" Contest, where one lucky winner will receive $75 for guessing the correct answers. Another winner will receive $25. The questions won't be easy but I'll be offering a hint :)

THERE IS A CATCH......

You must be a subscriber to my Live to Be Drama Free Newsletter because only the subscribers will be eligible to enter this contest. You can subscribe by going to my website:

http://www.talk2bev.com

Thanks for your continued support!

I've Turned Into A.....

Oh, my God! I never thought such a thing could happen to me!

I’ve turned into a computer geek! Lord knows, I don’t know how it happened because it wasn’t that long ago that I didn’t even want to turn the thing on. I only bought one because I figured my teenage daughter would have to use it for research, essay papers or Whatever!

I’m a member of the baby boomer generation. We didn’t grow up with computers. Besides, what would be exciting about sitting at a computer all day? That, to me, would be the equivalent of a “time-out” or punishment. As children, my friends and I entertained ourselves outdoors with fun “interactive” games like Hide and Seek, Tag, You’re It!, Kick the Can, Double Dutch jump rope, Red Light, Green Light and so on and so forth.

Homework was done using brain power. And if you didn’t have it, you worked and worked until you got it. I’m not ashamed to say I used my fingers to do math problems sometimes. That may be because we didn’t have calculators, but we did have the Abacus. Remember that, baby boomer buddies? Reading was fundamental back then but we did it by reading the ENTIRE book---not using cliff notes. I’ll never forget the time my 9th grade English teacher made us read “Moby Dick” as an assignment. I thought she must have been insane! But, in hindsight, I can now say I’m proud to have read one of the classics from cover to cover.

But now here I am, thirty-five years later, doing the unthinkable. I wake up and---even before I’ve brushed my teeth or had breakfast---I get on the computer and start checking emails and responding to messages and browsing for News I Can Use for my website. But it doesn’t stop there. I’m BLOGGING….(a word that wasn’t even in my third edition of the American Heritage Dictionary)… and I’m also networking with other folks who, for Whatever! reasons, are glued to their computers just like me. We exchange thoughts and ideas and sometimes even prayers. I do take periodic breaks to do less important things like exercise, cook meals and clean the house. But after that, it’s me and my computer until bedtime.

I’m also learning there’s lots of money to be made through this machine! I haven’t quite figured out how that all works yet, but you can best believe when I do, you won’t be hearing from me as much anymore. I’ll be off somewhere enjoying the fruits of my labor and giving my fingers a much needed rest!