Advice for Anyone Moving to North Carolina

Although I said I would NEVER live in the South I ended up moving to North Carolina back in the 80's to be with my husband, who returned home to be closer to his father after his mother passed away.  Little did I know then that I would still be here nearly 30 years later, long after my divorce.  

I remember the first time I went to Wilber's BBQ restaurant in Goldsboro.  It was in December and colder than normal for the State.  When the waitress asked what I wanted to drink I told her I'd like some tea with lemon.  Imagine my surprise when she brought me this big glass of ice cold sweet tea.  Needless to say, I wasn't too happy about it as someone who clearly understood that hot tea is what you drink in the Winter.  But in NC, ice cold, sweet tea is what you drink ALL YEAR!

I've learned to adjust to the North Carolina way but, let me tell you, it definitely wasn't easy so if you're thinking about moving here let me give you some things you need to know:

1. Bacon is big here and you'll always find new and creative ways to use it. Take the Man Sandwich, a NC State Fair favorite---which is a grilled cheese sandwich wrapped in bacon.  Or how about the fried bacon pimento cheeseburger egg roll.
  
2. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean North Carolinians can. The State has something called "black ice" and they use sand instead of rock salt.  One inch of snow is a National Emergency with schools closing and all bread and water gone from the grocery stores.

3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

4. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals & bait in the same store.

5. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.

6. Get used to hearing "You ain't from around here, are ya?"

7. If you are yelling at the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.

8. Get used to the phrase "It's not the heat, it's the humidity". And the collateral phrase "You call this hot? Wait'll August."

9. Hot dog chili does NOT have beans in it.

10.Don't tell North Carolinians how you did it up there. Nobody cares.

11. If you think it's too hot, don't worry. It'll cool down-in December.

12. A Mercedes-Benz is not a status symbol, a Chevy, Dodge, or Ford pick-up is.

13. If someone tells you "Don't worry, those peppers aren't hot" you can be certain they are.

14. If someone says they're "fixin" to do something, that doesn't mean anything's broken.

15. ACC College basketball is KING.  When the ACC Tournament starts, everything else stops.

16. The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but the availability of shade.

17. Krispy creme donuts and Pepsi were born in the Carolinas, which may explain the obesity rate.  BBQ is a food group. It does NOT mean grilling burgers and hot dogs outdoors.

18. "Tea" = Sweet Iced Tea. There is no other kind.

19. North Carolinians pull over and stop for emergency vehicles to pass.  They also pull over for funeral processions, turn our music off and men remove hats or caps. Some people put their hand over their heart.

20. Most residents own at least one gun.

21. "Bless your Heart" is a nice way of saying they feel sorry for you.

The Ten Commandments of Marriage from a Man's Point of View

**Special thanks to my MARRIED friend, Fred Marvin, for sharing this with me**


Commandment 1
Marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning.

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Commandment 2
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say; talk in your sleep.

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Commandment 3
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!

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Commandment 4
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

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Commandment 5
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

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Commandment 6
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

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Commandment 7
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

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Commandment 8
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

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Commandment 9
Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wives treat husbands like toxic waste.

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Commandment 10
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

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Bonus Commandment ( Story )

A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.

The husband was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It worked!"

National Procrastination Week

The week of March 9 has been designated as National Procrastination Week. I wonder who in the world came up with that one?

OK, let's see. What can this baby boomer diva put off during the week?

1) No laundry

2) No housework

3) No sex

4) Don't do any work on the computer

5) Don't pay bills

6) Don't exercise

7) No cooking

8) Don't take any phone calls

9) Don't do Bible study

10) Stop eating

WHATEVER!

I've Turned Into A.....

Oh, my God! I never thought such a thing could happen to me!

I’ve turned into a computer geek! Lord knows, I don’t know how it happened because it wasn’t that long ago that I didn’t even want to turn the thing on. I only bought one because I figured my teenage daughter would have to use it for research, essay papers or Whatever!

I’m a member of the baby boomer generation. We didn’t grow up with computers. Besides, what would be exciting about sitting at a computer all day? That, to me, would be the equivalent of a “time-out” or punishment. As children, my friends and I entertained ourselves outdoors with fun “interactive” games like Hide and Seek, Tag, You’re It!, Kick the Can, Double Dutch jump rope, Red Light, Green Light and so on and so forth.

Homework was done using brain power. And if you didn’t have it, you worked and worked until you got it. I’m not ashamed to say I used my fingers to do math problems sometimes. That may be because we didn’t have calculators, but we did have the Abacus. Remember that, baby boomer buddies? Reading was fundamental back then but we did it by reading the ENTIRE book---not using cliff notes. I’ll never forget the time my 9th grade English teacher made us read “Moby Dick” as an assignment. I thought she must have been insane! But, in hindsight, I can now say I’m proud to have read one of the classics from cover to cover.

But now here I am, thirty-five years later, doing the unthinkable. I wake up and---even before I’ve brushed my teeth or had breakfast---I get on the computer and start checking emails and responding to messages and browsing for News I Can Use for my website. But it doesn’t stop there. I’m BLOGGING….(a word that wasn’t even in my third edition of the American Heritage Dictionary)… and I’m also networking with other folks who, for Whatever! reasons, are glued to their computers just like me. We exchange thoughts and ideas and sometimes even prayers. I do take periodic breaks to do less important things like exercise, cook meals and clean the house. But after that, it’s me and my computer until bedtime.

I’m also learning there’s lots of money to be made through this machine! I haven’t quite figured out how that all works yet, but you can best believe when I do, you won’t be hearing from me as much anymore. I’ll be off somewhere enjoying the fruits of my labor and giving my fingers a much needed rest!