Welcome to the Real World My Child

Last week, my daughter returned to college. Instead of going back into the dorms, she decided she wanted her own place so she shopped around and found a nice little apartment about 10 minutes from campus.

What my daughter has quickly learned is having your own place costs money---especially if you like "new" and not "used" and you must do your homework before deciding on the best place for you.

Here are some of the things baby boomer parents can do to help make off campus life a pleasant experience:

Affordability
What can your college student afford? Help them evaluate their budget so they know how much rent they can afford without overextending financially. You might also suggest they consider a roommate, who can split the bills.

Utilities
Your college student should make sure they check to see what, if any, utilities are included as part of the rent. Sometimes landlords will pay for the water and heat for a tenant, whereas other landlords will not pay for any utilities. There are even a few landlords out there who will pay for all utilities for their tenants. This is something your college student should know before renting so that they can estimate their monthly budget accurately.

Location
When checking out apartments, check the location. It should be close to the campus so no one will have to worry about the long commute to class.

Credit Score/Background Check
If you haven't talked to your college student about credit, now's the perfect time. They need to know that when it comes to renting an apartment, there will almost always be a credit report and background check done on them. This is why places have application fees, because it costs money to run these reports. Have too many unpaid bills, or a history of getting into trouble with the law will result in your child being denied. Also, you should explain about co-signers. Because they are probably a first time renter and don’t have much of a history, they will, more than likelt, need a co-signer on the application.

Read the Lease Before You Sign It
Make sure they read every line of the lease before they sign it--and it would be a good idea if you read it too. This is important because it will contain the rules that the landlord requests by which they have to abide. The lease will contain what pets they can have, if any, what utilities they are responsible for, how much their rent is, when a late fee is charged, and what conditions they can break the lease, if at all.

Renters Insurance
Explain the importance of having renters insurance. Renters insurance is fairly inexpensive. This minor expense will insure their valuables against damage from fire or burglary. It is especially important for them to get covered if they have valuable items such as laptops, stereo equipment, and jewelry.

With some discipline and organization, your college student's first apartment renting experience can be satisfying as well as a huge learning experience.

The Road Map of Life for College Students

Ever since my daughter was little, I always wanted her to see the best that America has to offer. That's why we traveled a lot. As a baby boomer mom and journalist who's been there and done that, I figured if she is going to be one of the future leaders of our great nation, it would be in her best interest to learn more than what she reads in a text book.

Even now that she's in college I tell her not keep herself couped up in her dorm room--get out and explore the new town she's living in. It's not only an adventure, but you never know when you just might have an emergency that will call for you to respond and react in a hurry.

Case in point: A few weeks back when my college daughter called me, it was obvious she wasn't feeling well. Her voice was raspy and she was extremely congested. She went on to tell me she felt so bad one night, she couldn't even sleep. I told her she probably needed to see someone--like a doctor. She told me she didn't trust going to the campus clinic. I then suggested she go to the local hospital's ER--to which she replied, "I don't know where it is." Then she went on to explain how she called several of her NC A&T Aggie friends during the wee hours of the morning to see if they knew where the local ER was and none of them knew either.

I could see it if she had an excuse--like NO CAR---but she has a vehicle and certainly drives it to get to the Mall, to get her nails and eyebrows done, so why is it she doesn't know where the hospital is.

So I had to think...where did I fail as a baby boomer parent that would cause my daughter to lie in bed and suffer as opposed to taking initiative and finding it on her own.

Of course, she continues to prove she is my daughter and would have the last word in this story: "If you had just bought me a GPS Navigator, I wouldn't have had this problem."

My thought: Choose better friends who know WHERE they're going in life! Or maybe she should've gone to Ohio University!

Teaching Your Child to Walk Your Talk

On Friday, I went to visit my daughter in college. Actually, it wasn't a formal visit. Her step-dad and I went there to bring her computer home in advance of her returning home next week for Christmas break.

One of the things I immediately noticed was her snack ration was seriously depleted. Since the beginning of the school year (August), we have spent a few hundred dollars in keeping her supplied with lots of goodies for her late night munchies and those days when the cafeteria food "sucks" as she says.

When I inquired about where her supply was, she told me she had been sharing her food with others in her dorm. Of course, my first reaction was, "Why are you sharing YOUR stuff? These kids have parents! Don't they send them anything? What makes you think it's your responsibility to feed everyone else? Besides, they have a meal plan--just like you!"

My daughter, very calmly said, "Mom, I don't see what you're getting so bent out of shape about. Haven't you been teaching me all of my life to share? I thought I was doing a good thing. I feel blessed to be in a position to share with others who are a little less fortunate."

OK...this was MY DAUGHTER talking. This is the same "only child" who cried when we gave her leftover food to a homeless man while we were on vacation---food, we knew she would never eat. This is the same person who had a job (in high school) but preferred you spend your money on her.

But then I got to thinking: I spent 18 years doing my best to "train up a child in the way that she should go..." (Proverbs 22:6) and many times I thought I was just talking to myself. But lo and behold, she was listening.

Is your child walking your talk? The better question might be: Are you saying anything worth listening to?

What a Difference College Life Makes

It's funny how college can change the relationship between a parent and child. It certainly has changed mine.

Since my daughter went away to school, we talk EVERYDAY. She calls up and says the same thing:

"Whatcha doin'?"
My standard response is, "On the computer."
Then she says, "Guess what?"...and proceeds to tell me a story about something that happened in one of her classes or on the campus.

It's so funny because when we were living in the same house,there were times when we would go without speaking for days. Menopause and PMS ruled our worlds!

But now it seems there is less stress and anxiety to deal with. We're getting along very nicely from a distance. The truth of the matter is, I believe we have come to a point where we are really learning to respect each other. My daughter is finally starting to see there has been a method to my "You better get your butt in gear!" madness for the past four years. I, meanwhile, am seeing a caterpillar begin to break out into a beautiful butterfly.

Yeah, both of us are still a little rough around the edges with even more growing to do----but we now know we have a purpose----and it's a little boy named Jarod.