There's No Comeback Without a Setback

If you've ever had a setback in your life, you will identify with this post.

My definition of a "setback" is an event or action that keeps you from moving forward;  it stops you dead in your tracks and, sometimes, makes you feel like giving up.  Many of us have been on the setback trail.

I've had plenty of setbacks throughout my life--both personal and professional.  I can go all the way back to my high school days and remember how I tried out for the cheerleading squad but didn't make it (the first time around).  My excuse was "I wasn't the right shade of black."  After I got over being "in my feelings" I came back to reality and worked hard over the next year until it was time to tryout again and, yes, I made it!

I remember the first time I tried to land a job as a TV reporter at the ABC Affiliate WCTI in NC and was told point blank by a former News Director that I didn't have what it took to be a member of his Eye-Witness News Team.  I was devastated.  My ego was crushed because I just knew I was going to be successful in a career I'd wanted my entire life.  (Yes, I had a TERRIBLE audition tape but was convinced my personality would at least get me in the door).  That experience taught me a lot about perseverance and faith.  It also taught me about networking and connecting with people for future reference because back in the mid 1980's, networking as we know it today was unheard of.  It was through that "connection" that a door opened and I walked in BOLDLY as the newest edition to the WITN-TV news team.

Raising a child as a single parent, after divorce, was also a challenge especially when I thought I had married the man of my dreams.  But some dreams can become nightmares as I learned and it became an emotional and draining setback.

But I have to tell you, the BIGGEST setback I have experienced in my life has been related to my health.  In 1999, I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure (after being misdiagnosed as having bronchitis).  It took a good two to three years and all kinds of medication to get my heart to function normally again.  I was forced to go out on sick leave for months.  But God's Grace carried me through that setback to prepare me for my next journey.

Less than six months ago, I suffered a another major setback with my congestive heart failure diagnosis.  I started feeling bad---like I was catching a cold. It got progressively worse.  I could barely walk any distance without gasping for air.  I couldn't sleep without feeling like I was choking to death.  I tried to exercise but it wasn't helping. I finally made a doctor's appointment.  Because of my history, the cardiologist felt an echocardiogram was necessary.  It revealed the following:

I WOULD ESTIMATE THE LEFT VENTRICULAR EJECTION FRACTION NO GREATER THAN 25%. RIGHT VENTRICULAR SYSTOLIC PRESSURES ESTIMATED IN THE 40 MMHG RANGE.  SINCE PRIOR ECHOCARDIOGRAM LEFT VENTRICULAR EJECTION FRACTION HAS DECREASED AND THE LEFT

VENTRICLE HAS DILATED

Now for those of you who may not understand what this means, let me explain.  A normal "Ejection Fraction" operates at 50 percent or better.  Mine was at 25 percent---having DROPPED from 40 percent that last time I had the test in 2015.  My doctor was talking about open heart surgery but I was adamant about going under the knife.  I asked her to "trust my process"; to give me an opportunity to get my health together.  In hindsight, I'm not sure why I said that but she went for it and told me we would revisit the subject if I showed no or little signs of improvement by my next visit.

I had three months to get it together. I took my medication like I was supposed to and didn't skip dosages like I had been doing in the past.  I worked out nearly everyday.  I kid you not, it was extremely hard at first.  Sometimes I would walk around the Duke Wall in tears because of how difficult it was to take more than a few steps at a time but I was determined to overcome this setback because I honestly believed God had a purpose for my next journey.

I'm happy to say today that after my last visit in September, surgery was taken off the table---at least for now anyway.  I ended up getting a new job that I absolutely LOVE and am thankful every single day for God's Grace.

Here's what I know:  His Word says even though our lives may be filled with trials and tribulations, it's just a setback to prepare us for our next comeback.

To God be the Glory!

Beverly

While doing some Fall cleaning, I came across a poem that had been written exclusively for me by a talented, creative writer named Vanessa Vendola.  She and I met during one of the many networking events I've attended over the years. 

I am sharing what she wrote with you here because it was only today (6 years later) that I realized how true and powerful her words were in describing ME.  And the fact that I am still that woman!

Beverly

Her innovative energy

In her directive manner

Focused on each matter

Intense enthusiasm

Translating in the pool of

Passionate personality

Traveling in spheres of

Creative developments

Her controversy leaping.

Surrounding your logic

Wake up, relate or debate

A woman of high rated

Broadcasting power

Generating in a tower of 

Powerful Communicative Talents

By Vanessa Vendola May 2011

A Year in the Life of Me

May 29, 2015 was the last time I made an entry into this blog before I posted one yesterday.  A whole year has gone by.  A lot has happened in that time frame.  I became a year older and found myself lamenting over the would've, should've, could've of my life.  Mind you, I've accomplished many wonderful achievements but in my mind, I COULD'VE always done more and I WOULD'VE if I had more operating capital and I SHOULD'VE had more hustle, more drive, more of what it takes to get to the Oprah level.  (Perhaps I am the only one who has felt like this).

During the past year I gave up my quest to become an entrepreneur---or a boomerpreneur as I affectionately "coined" it.  That led me to start looking for work again which I found, lost and found it again.  I will say this, once you've worked for yourself it's hard to go back and work for someone else---especially in an environment where you are just one of the faceless at the bottom of the totem pole.  The last time I felt that low was in my very first job nearly 40 years ago.  I am still learning to swallow my pride and say "Yes, suh" and "Naw suh" to the man. And it is appalling to see how corporate greed is out of control with little or no respect for their employees or consumers. (That's another blog post for another day).

My mortality has all of a sudden gotten really real.  Around Thanksgiving of last year, I became ill.  I thought it was a flu virus but I wasn't getting any better.  It zapped my energy and distanced me from the world.  On many occasions, I felt like I was near death.  And then a good friend of mine passed away.  I stopped writing publicly.  I stopped making the daily social media rounds.  I became a recluse and, ironically, after a few months, I discovered I could live without social media.

So why am I sharing this?  Because I know someone is going through something similar---if not more complicated than me.  I have learned a lot about me over the past year and, believe me, not all of it has been good.

Here are my takeaways:

1)  Stop fighting with the noise inside your head:  The negative thoughts will keep you from moving forward.  Life itself is full of ups and downs.  You only make matters worst when  you keep harping on your "woe is me mentality."

2)  Learn to manage stress:  When I find myself slipping into a mental place I don't want to go to, I pray, read my bible or play some old-school, upbeat music.  It changes the channel of my mind and takes me to a happy place where I can rejuvenate and renew my spirit.

3)  Be around people and things that inspire you:  When I disconnected from social media (especially Facebook) I cut out more than 80 percent of the noise that was affecting my world.  I became overwhelmed with the "perceived" success of my friends.  When I stopped connecting online,  I found other things to inspire me like taking walks at Umstead Park and going to the gym more often.   I also decided (with my husband) to change churches and I have actually found inspiration in many of my millennial co-workers. They keep me laughing and appreciate my wisdom.

4)  I am still resilient:  In my nearly 60 years on this earth I have learned that I can bounce back after bad things happen and I am still employable.

When a baby is learning to walk, they will fall many times before they finally gain the confidence to stand and walk on their own.  We all fail from time to time but it doesn't mean we are a total failure in life.  Failures are a part of life.  If you don't fail, you don't learn and if you don't learn you will never change.

Why Aren't You Singing for Jesus in the Choir Grandma

Whenever we take my (now five-year-old) grandson to church, we can always expect him to say or do something that will either entertain or embarrass us. Today was no exception.

Shortly after we arrived, my grandson immediately peeled his eyes on the choir, looking for his godmother, who is a member. As we were listening to them sing, Jarod looked at me and said, "Grandma go sit with Tasha in the choir and sing." I told him I don't sing in the choir to which he responded, "Don't you think Jesus will be mad at you if you don't want to sing for him?" My response, "Jesus loves you know matter where you sing. It doesn't have to be in the choir. I can sing right where I am"

Of course, he had to have the last word: "Well, you're not singing very loud. I'm glad I sing in the choir because I know He can hear me there."

Christmas Surprises

My daughter is full of surprises!

Christmas 2006: Her gift to me was a grandchild. Mind you, it wasn't something I asked for or wanted from my 16-year-old but she gave it to me anyway.

Christmas 2007: Her gift to me was an ATTITUDE. She was still upset over the fact that I was upset overher decision to keep her baby. I tried desperately to push adoption as the best alternative. She couldn't see that I was thinking of the best interest of the child of an unwed teen.

So here we are Christmas 2008. After spending a year of repairing our feelings of hurt and anger, my daughter decided to give me a series of gifts by making her MESS -- her MESSAGE.

1) She graduated from high school ON TIME. She pulled it off even after discovering five months before graduation that she was one Math credit short and had to re-arrange her whole schedule in order to make up the Math class. She did all of this while holding down a part-time job.

2) She was determined to go to college and did what was necessary to make it happen.

3) She potty trained her son. I told her if she expected me to keep him while she was away, I wasn't going to be changing dirty diapers. Jarod was potty trained at 18-months.

The best gift of all---

She made the Dean's List during her first semester at North Carolina A&T University.

There is a blessing in every storm.