When Teens Lose a Loved One

My grandson's great grandfather (on his father's side) passed away unexpectedly sometime between late last night and early this morning.  He died in his sleep.  My daughter called us shortly before 2:00 am with the devastating news and, without hesitation, we got out of bed and rushed over to the house where family members had already gathered.  

I could see the heartbreak and pain on my grandson's face.  He and his "pawpaw" were very close and "pawpaw" made no secret that Jarod was his favorite out of all of the great-grands.  In that moment, I was at a loss for words but I needed to hug him and let him know it was going to be all right even though it didn't feel that way at the moment.  Jarod has never experienced death on this magnitude.  Yes, he has known people who died but they were either very old (and expected) or they were casual acquaintances who got mixed up with the wrong crowd which led to their untimely demise.

I couldn't help thinking that Jarod was going to experience this trauma many more times as those he loves pass away.  I knew, in that moment, that I wouldn't be able to shield him from the grief he is going through now and what he will feel in the future.  

Death is never easy to deal with and it's got to be extremely hard for young people who spend their young lives loving their older grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.  

I can't do it now but at some point I will let him know:

1.  It's OK to grieve.  It's normal.  Holding your emotions inside will only create turmoil on down the road.

2.  You will get through it, even though it doesn't feel like it right now.

3.  You're not alone.  Others have feelings they have to work through as it relates to the loved one's death.

4.  Cherish the memories and when you're ready, share them with others.  It will help the healing process.

5.  Allow your best friend to be there for you.  Shutting everyone out can lead to isolation and a state of depression.

The experts say it's never a good idea to direct what a grieving teenager should do, say or feel.  Don't force them to talk if they don't want to---but when he's ready I'll be there.

I know my time is coming, too, at some point.

Have You Had the Talk With Your Spouse Yet

For many couples, talking about death is difficult. Nobody likes to think about dying. It's scary to think the person you're growing old with will no longer be around someday.

The other day my husband said, "I can't imagine my life without you. That's why I'm going to die first." Of course, his comment shocked me and I wasn't sure how to respond. Trying to lighten the mood, I said, "No--I need to go first because I know you will be able to re-group a whole lot better than I would." Then, jokingly, I suggested we die together.

That brief conversation got me to do some serious thinking. How would I cope emotionally and financially should my husband pass away before me?

Preparing your finances for your death is a topic many don't want to talk about. Death is inevitable, however, and if you don't take the time to plan, your wishes (and your family's financial security) could be at risk.

Here are some tips I found, which I hope will be as helpful to you as they are to me:

1) Creating a living will and name an executor.

2) Discuss your finances with your spouse and make sure you know account numbers, passwords, billing arrangements and insurance information.

3) Talk about about funeral arrangements and find out if your spouse wants a coffin or prefers cremation.

4) List insurance and medical policy numbers, investment and other financial account numbers, along with passwords, social security information, and login data for websites.

5) Make a rough draft of your monthly budget, factoring in living expenses and income.

Getting your house in order while you're both still alive will save the surviving spouse (and other family members) a lot of frustration and paperwork during the grieving process.