Parenting 101: The First Semester

As a new college parent, I am learning how to step back and allow my daughter to take control of her own. Just like any parent, I want the best for her but I understand my parenting needs to be different.

When you "hover" over your child you build a barrier between you and your college student. You give them the message that they cannot do anything on their own without their mother and father.

Here are some tips I found useful from an article I read recently:

1. Avoid too many phone calls during the week. Establish a once a week time to talk. Use this time to catch up with everything that has happened. It may be 15, 20, or 30 minutes. The point is, you are not there constantly hovering over your new college student. Let them know that if they need to talk, you are available. But don't just call to be calling. You may make them feel as if you're checking up on them.

2. Encourage your college student to seek available resources at school. Make sure your child knows who their academic advisors are and encourage them to seek them out for the advice they need. Other resources include student affairs, career centers, medical clinics and other counseling centers. Your student should be familiar with these resources available to college students.

3. Encourage your child to get involved. Throughout their college years, your child should engage in their college's ongoing student activities. You can also suggest that they volunteer for charitable activities. Healthy activities help to combat some of the loneliness your new college student child may feel when they first go to college. And, it's a perfect opportunity for them to meet a diverse group of friends.

4. Let them be in charge of their own finances. Credit cards are disasters waiting to happen. Adults have issues with credit cards. How can we expect a college student to do better? Instead, you should be clear about their monthly living expenses. Use a debit card and each month deposit a set amount. Do not give ANY additional money, unless there is an emergency. This gets your child in the rhythm of budgeting and will teach them how to become more independent.

Parenting a College Student

The other day I came across an interesting article about parenting and college students. Since I am now the baby boomer mom of a college freshman, I took note of what it had to say.

The Professor from Emory University offered some tips on Parenting Your College Student.

He says “you won't be able to wait for them to come home – or leave.” Boy, was he right about that! She’s only been away from home for two weeks and she’s come home both weekends. Some people might be starting to question if she’s really in college.

• Don't change your child's room. The student's room is 'home base' – try not to change it very much during his or her first semester away. Freshmen in particular can go through some very difficult times, passing exams, establishing new friendships, surviving in a setting where they are not 'top dog,' and often fearing that admissions has made a mistake – that they do not really belong at college. Give them a 'safe haven.”

I guess that means I won’t get to have that office I was planning on!

• When a problem arises, "move like your feet are stuck in molasses." The temptation is to intervene when a child calls home with a problem. Remember that many resources exist at college to help students cope with various situations.

That's good to know because I did enough "intervening" for the first 18 years of her life!

• Don't expect the same grades in college that the students got in high school. All I have to say to that is, SHE’D BETTER NOT!!!

I Survived the First Week of College

I've been reading quite a few blogs this week written by parents whose children have gone off to school for the first time. Many parents express sadness that their little ones are growing up and beginning to leave the nest.

On Monday, my daughter began her freshman year at North Carolina A&T in Greensboro. She's an "Aggie"---whatever that is. Her first class on Monday was at 8am---Math---a subject she not only hates but hasn't done well in since elementary school. She says it's remedial math so all of the students are on the same level---which she finds refreshing. But she did tell me she's starting out with a 4.0 average so I should be proud.

She's also taking some other courses that seem to have nothing to do with her major but that's how it seems to be for incoming freshmen. Get them acclimated to college life before you stick it to them in the classroom.

She called me every day this week to give me an update on her campus experience. The food in the cafeteria is terrible; there are parties EVERY night; she needs a computer; she hates walking everywhere and her room mate loves watching The History Channel.

Although she would never admit to being homesick, today's she's back home with her dirty laundry. (Since she has no car, I had to drive up to get her).

It looks like we both survived the first week.

If Your Child Isn't Talking by Age Two...

I just read an interesting report on children and speech. According to the study 80 percent of children with language delays at age 2 will catch up by age 7. But this also means that for one in five late-talking toddlers, language delays will persist.

By age 2, children should have a vocabulary of about 50 words and be starting to combine those words in two- or three-word sentences.

The researchers found that boys are three times as likely as girls to be late-talking toddlers. Yet when the children were 7 years of age, no differences were found between girls and boys.

For children who are still late talkers in school, the researchers say it is very important to provide early intervention and enrichment. Parents may even want to contact a speech pathologist if they have any concerns.

The data collected in the research also indicates that a mother’s education, income, parenting style and mental health does not predict when a child will start to talk. This seems to debunk the widely held belief that parents or a poor home environment are to blame for a late-talking toddler.

Based on this information, it appears my 21-month-old grandson is way ahead of the curve. He has been speaking for at least four months. As a matter this morning, when he was on the potty, he said something I had never heard him say before. He called to me and when I went to see what he wanted, he said, “Never mind.”

He has it honest though. After all, his baby boomer diva grandmother is a journalist who loves to use words.

When Grandma Becomes Ma

I have joined the ranks of a growing number of baby boomers who have taken on the task of raising their grandchildren.

No, I'm not doing it because I want to. I'm doing it because it's necessary. I'm doing it because I want my daughter and her son to have a chance to beat the odds and the stereotypes placed on them by the "do-gooders" of our society.

My daughter started college this week in another part of the state. She had the option of taking her soon-to-be-two-year-old with her or leaving him here with me. I chose option B. My daughter is still trying to get her own life together and having her son with her would only get in her way from accomplishing her goals.

The way I see it, my role of being a grandparent is more important than ever. My grandson is among a number of children being raised in single-parent households and as a young black male, the odds are already stacked against him before he can talk.

Being a good grandparent today requires all the wisdom, understanding, patience and love I've acquired throughout my lifetime.

It means grandma wears another hat: "MA"

What Position Do You Play in Your Child's Life?

This week, many baby boomer parents, like me, have been going through the experience of sending their children off to college for the first time. We are becoming something called “empty nesters.”

I would like to say helping my daughter enroll into college for the first time was a wonderful and teary-eyed experience---but it wasn’t. My greatest disappointment is the fact that she didn’t even consider my alma mater—but instead, chose to go to the school her father and my WAS-band went to. This decision was made in spite of the fact that he offered no support and no consultation. In hindsight, it’s probably better that he didn’t because that probably would’ve made matters worse!

Unlike my daughter, all I had to do when I arrived on the Ohio University campus was find my residence hall and move in. My daughter, on the other hand, was ill prepared for what was to come on her orientation day because she had not taken care of certain things in advance. She had no housing assignment and no class schedule. Her immunization records had not been turned in.

Some things have definitely changed. Unlike when I was in college, incoming freshman have to take an English and Math exam to see what level they’re on. I though that’s what the SAT’s were for. The good news is she scored a perfect 100 in English but failed miserably in Math. She may end up changing her major from Business to something else since she will be required to take a few Math courses along the way.

While my husband (her step dad) and I were waiting for her to finish with her testing, I stepped up to try to close some of the gaps by trying to get her a room assignment and request her immunization records from her doctor.

Then it hit me. The reason my daughter was so laxidasical with this process is because she had been so accustomed to me doing everything for her. In the football game of life, I was her linebacker. I blocked for her time after time when she was faced with challenges. As her quarterback as I called plays for her to make sure her transitions were smooth. I would also tackle for her if someone was trying to keep her from excelling—especially her teachers.

I have become the type of baby boomer parent I have written about and been critical of. I made it too easy for my daughter to get through life up to this point.

After 12 hours of walking around on campus trying to handle things, once again, on her behalf, I have decided the buck has to stop here. It’s time she learned about struggles and heartaches, success and failures on her own—without my interference. I just hope and pray that I’ve taught her enough that she will stand on her own and rise to the challenge.

Baby Boomer Worshipper Wants Money for His Pain

Fifty-seven-year-old Matt Lincoln is suing the church where he worshipped for having a Holy Spirit experience.

Lincoln says he was so consumed by the spirit of God that he fell and hit his head. Now he wants Lakewind Church in Knoxville, Tennessee to pay $2.5 million for medical bills, lost income, and pain and suffering. He decided to sue the church directly after the church's insurance company denied his claim for medical bills,.

The baby boomer worshipper says he's had two surgeries since the June 2007 incident but claims he still feels pain in his back and legs.

He said he was asking God to have "a real experience" while praying.

Lincoln said he has fallen from the force of the spirit before but has always been caught by someone.

Lawyers for the church said other congregation members allege they saw him on the floor laughing after his fall. They said he failed to look out for his own safety.