Another Senseless Killing Tied to Facebook

Thank God baby boomers didn't have access to social media as teens and young adults.  Can you imagine what you would see?  Hippies and flower children everywhere smoking weed and telling you about the beauty of the world.  Black folks with big afros dancing in the streets shouting, "Say it Loud, I'm Black and I'm Proud.  You might have even seen the "live" version of John Lennon and Yoko Ono spending their two-week long "bed-in" as a protest against the Vietnam War--and yes, you surely would've seen protests and marches.

But I can't imagine in a million years that you would ever see the tragedies that are being shown today via Facebook.  Just last week I wrote a blog post about the outrageous murder-suicide committed in San Bernardino involving Carl Anderson and his estranged wife, Karen.  He walked into her classroom and shot her to death before killing himself. He didn't post his actions on Facebook but he gave everyone the appearance, via his Facebook videos, that he was the happiest and luckiest man in the world and his wife was everything to him.  A FLAT OUT LIE! But he has his Facebook followers fooled.

Now we have another senseless murder tied to a woman named Joy Lane in Cleveland, Ohio.  Her estranged boyfriend, identified as Steve Stephens, gunned down a complete stranger, identified as 74-year-old Robert Godwin, on the street because he was upset over her lack of attention/affection for him anymore.  This happened on Easter Sunday, shortly after Godwin left his family's home after having dinner.  Stephens, like Anderson, used Facebook as a platform----although he made it a point to upload the crime after he did it.  The murder stayed on the site until being removed by a Facebook official.

What makes this story, and the one last week, so tragic is that these so-called men used social media as a platform in such a devious and disturbing way.  I don't know what has happened to make so many people lose sight of their values, morals, dignity and character.  For all the good social media can do, we then get to see the evil it can project and I fear there is no end in sight. 

Back in 1964, Bob Dylan wrote a song called, The Times, They Are a Changin'.  

Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command
Your old road is rapidly aging
Please get out of the new one if you can't lend your hand
Cause the times they are a-changing

Yes they have!

The Tragedy and Illusion of Facebook

"Things aren't always the way they appear."  No truer words could be spoken following the tragic death of Karen Smith in San Bernardino, CA this week.  She was murdered on her job---in a classroom where she was teaching young students.

What intrigued me about this story was the fact that she and her husband killer, Cedric Anderson were black baby boomers around the same age as my husband and myself.  I was particularly interested in the posts he made on Facebook.  By all accounts, he posted regularly on Facebook about the so-called love and admiration he had for his wife.  He created an image that was clearly contrary to the murderous behavior he demonstrated when he walked into her classroom and killed her.

In a February 27th post, he posted a selfie video and said:  "I love being married to Karen Smith-Anderson!" 

March 11 post, he said: "My wife Karen Smith-Anderson is an Angel!!!"

March 12: He posted a youtube song by Sade titled By Your Side and said:  "I'm getting loved like this! #karen. Thanks Baby!"

But 30 days later, he would kill her for reasons that have not yet been made known---although a family member commented on his FB page that he suffered from PTSD Disorder. The victim's son hinted to police that there may have been domestic violence involved. 

Were there clear signs of mental illness?  Reading through his FB page, one might draw the conclusion that he had a screw or two loose but he managed to masquerade it pretty well with his sweet, romantic confessions of love for Karen.  

Whatever the case might be, three lives were lost (also killed was an 8-year-old student who was being shielded by his teacher).  That's the tragedy and illusion of Facebook.  

Too many people spend their time presenting an image of who they want you to think they are.  They are always more successful, more diplomatic, more sensitive, more reasonable, more logical, more compassionate, more loving, etc in the social media world than they truly are in reality.  And those of us who buy into their "image" end up frustrated and angry because we begin to lament over the would've, should've, could've of our own lives.

What happened to Karen Smith was a tragedy because she was living in the deranged, illusional world of Cedric Anderson.

The Value of Friendships As We Age

I read an article recently that indicated we tend to lose friendships as we grow older. Ohio University (my alma mater)  Professor William Rawlins says "As people enter middle age, they tend to have more demands on their time, many of them more pressing than friendship. The time is poured, largely, into jobs and families." That makes sense but then I got to thinking about how quickly time is flying by and there are no guarantees for tomorrow so it would be in my best interest to cherish the friendships I have.

Recently I was on my way to the grocery store when I received a call from my friend Maria.  We had been playing phone tag so I made it a point to answer the phone to make the connection.  Although we don't live too far apart, we haven't seen each other in a few years, We mostly keep up with each other via Facebook.  That's where I first learned she was diagnosed with cancer.  "It can't be true!" was my first thought.  When we worked together many years ago, she was one of the most vibrant, lively, gorgeous women I knew.  But as I have learned time and time again, cancer doesn't discriminate.  

For the next hour or so, I was sitting in the grocery store parking lot laughing and reminiscing with the woman I first met 20 years ago while working together at WNCU Radio. Her upbeat spirit lifted me. I was trying to catch up on her life, her family, her diagnosis and how she found out.  When I tell you she has been through, that's an understatement, but her faith and her family have kept her strong through her storms.

In a surprising turn of events during the conversation, I became the one who needed a shoulder.  I was suffering from mental anguish over some personal things in my life.  Did Maria feel sorry for me?  Absolutely not! She used the moment to "school" me, saying she did it out of love, to help me see how petty and ridiculous my attitude was over the issue I shared.  Yes, that's what friends do. They help you peel away your mask, to stop hiding behind your self-righteousness and to let you see what you may be unable to see (or refuse to).

I took Maria's words to heart and when we hung up I decided to make an attitude adjustment.

Some friends, like Maria, come as a gift. We don’t look for them, we don’t have to work at being friends, at least initially - they just arrive. Even so, as time goes by we need to work at every friendship. The best vitamin for making friends if B1.

Friends are a precious part of our lives and we will live to regret it if we lose them through neglect.   

Advice for Anyone Moving to North Carolina

Although I said I would NEVER live in the South I ended up moving to North Carolina back in the 80's to be with my husband, who returned home to be closer to his father after his mother passed away.  Little did I know then that I would still be here nearly 30 years later, long after my divorce.  

I remember the first time I went to Wilber's BBQ restaurant in Goldsboro.  It was in December and colder than normal for the State.  When the waitress asked what I wanted to drink I told her I'd like some tea with lemon.  Imagine my surprise when she brought me this big glass of ice cold sweet tea.  Needless to say, I wasn't too happy about it as someone who clearly understood that hot tea is what you drink in the Winter.  But in NC, ice cold, sweet tea is what you drink ALL YEAR!

I've learned to adjust to the North Carolina way but, let me tell you, it definitely wasn't easy so if you're thinking about moving here let me give you some things you need to know:

1. Bacon is big here and you'll always find new and creative ways to use it. Take the Man Sandwich, a NC State Fair favorite---which is a grilled cheese sandwich wrapped in bacon.  Or how about the fried bacon pimento cheeseburger egg roll.
  
2. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean North Carolinians can. The State has something called "black ice" and they use sand instead of rock salt.  One inch of snow is a National Emergency with schools closing and all bread and water gone from the grocery stores.

3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

4. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals & bait in the same store.

5. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.

6. Get used to hearing "You ain't from around here, are ya?"

7. If you are yelling at the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.

8. Get used to the phrase "It's not the heat, it's the humidity". And the collateral phrase "You call this hot? Wait'll August."

9. Hot dog chili does NOT have beans in it.

10.Don't tell North Carolinians how you did it up there. Nobody cares.

11. If you think it's too hot, don't worry. It'll cool down-in December.

12. A Mercedes-Benz is not a status symbol, a Chevy, Dodge, or Ford pick-up is.

13. If someone tells you "Don't worry, those peppers aren't hot" you can be certain they are.

14. If someone says they're "fixin" to do something, that doesn't mean anything's broken.

15. ACC College basketball is KING.  When the ACC Tournament starts, everything else stops.

16. The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but the availability of shade.

17. Krispy creme donuts and Pepsi were born in the Carolinas, which may explain the obesity rate.  BBQ is a food group. It does NOT mean grilling burgers and hot dogs outdoors.

18. "Tea" = Sweet Iced Tea. There is no other kind.

19. North Carolinians pull over and stop for emergency vehicles to pass.  They also pull over for funeral processions, turn our music off and men remove hats or caps. Some people put their hand over their heart.

20. Most residents own at least one gun.

21. "Bless your Heart" is a nice way of saying they feel sorry for you.

The Democratic Party Has Become Obsolete

I am a baby boomer who was raised by parents who identified themselves as members of the Democratic Party political base.  They were faithful to the democratic candidates.  The ONLY Republican they ever voted for was Representative Ralph Regula because, as I came to discover, he was a genuinely good person who did his best to represent the interests of EVERYBODY.  He didn't play party politics.  That was more than 40 years ago.

I, too, jumped on the democratic bandwagon as soon as I was eligible to vote and was led blindly down their path of broken campaign promises, deceit and lies.  But unlike my parents I started doing research on ALL of the candidates to understand them better and what they really stood for.  As a a (card-carrying, degree-earned) Journalist, I conducted my own investigations into their backgrounds and "followed the money."  That's when I decided it was in my best interest to become an "Independent."

This past election is proof positive that the Democratic Party, as we know it, has become obsolete. While I was not a Trump supporter, he did speak one truth during one of the presidential debates.  He reminded us how democratic candidates court Blacks and other minorities during election season and then seem to have another agenda once they are elected.  #Facts

Now it would appear that the Democratic Party is, once again, trying its best to capitalize on those of us who feel we've been disenfranchised.  They are expressing outrage over possible voter fraud and trying to regain our confidence in their ability to do a better job because they are the so-called "inclusive" party with a so-called "inclusive" agenda.  BUT THEY ARE NOT!

It is time for a new party to rise up from the Millennial generation--similar to what the Tea Party did a few years ago.  We need a change of direction---a progressive movement that is not driven by money and power.  The "old way" doesn't work anymore.  Candidates over the age of 50 either need to sit down and shut up or listen to the new voices---much like former President Barack Obama did during his campaign.  

There's an old saying, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."  But it IS broken and it's time to shake things up and fix it.

When a Football Injury Hits Home

Did you know 70 percent of all football players in the United States are under the age of 14?  My 10-year-old grandson is in that statistic.

Did you also know that football has the highest injury rate of any team sport and each child between the ages of 9 and 12 who plays the sport experiences an average of  240 head impacts during a single season.  My grandson is also in that statistic as a running back/linebacker/quarterback.

This weekend we learned first-hand the dangers of football when my grandson was injured by an opposing player who head-butted him in the arm.  Jarod, starting as quarterback, was forced to leave the game and taken to Urgent Care for x-rays and treatment.  Fortunately, his arm wasn't broken but he did suffer a tear of the muscle in his right bicep which will require an MRI to determine how serious the tear is. 

I know my daughter (and other parents) invest hundreds of dollars every season to give their children the right to play a sport they enjoy.  As a grandmother who is a huge fan of football, I am now questioning if that investment is worth it. I am looking at it differently now that an injury has hit home.  

Donald Trump Has Brought Out the Worst in America

This isn't meant to be another one of those bash Donald Trump blog posts.  This is, instead, a commentary on the negativity his campaign has sparked.  

Racists have come out of the woodwork like roaches in the dark.  For the most part, these supporters would be classified as poor whites, angry because they can't advance with little or no education and the majority of them would also be identified as angry white males.  They have taken off their hoods, jumped on his bandwagon, taken off their hoods and are leading the "make America great" campaign.  They have gotten behind a candidate who spews some of the nastiest comments and behaved in such a manner that has to embarrass any decent, conscientious, law-abiding white person in America.  

People like 78-year-old man John Franklin McGraw of North Carolina have felt free to assault non Trump supporters at presidential candidate's rallies.  "The victim deserved it.  The next time we see him we might have to kill him," is what McGraw was quoted as saying.

Instead of denouncing the violence, Donald Trump has dismissed it and stirs up his avowed racist followers with comments like: "Laziness is a trait in blacks.  I believe that."  

And what about that endorsement from the KKK?  Trump refused to renounce white nationalist David Duke when Duke said on his radio show that voting for any other candidate other than Trump was "really treason to your heritage."

I am still trying to understand how so many other viable candidates in the republican party allowed a Donald Trump to become the eventual nominee. Perhaps this is the after affects of the Tea Party movement.  Believe me, I would've voted for Mark Rubio over Hillary Clinton for sure!

Does being white and privileged automatically make you a racist?  Perhaps it does since they are not, nor do they ever have to be, exposed to what life is like in the 97 percent of America.    Perhaps others finding out that they didn't earn their fortune legally and, if truth be told, they are no better than the common criminals who steal just to survive.  Perhaps fear of losing their wealth or having more of a level playing field is more than they can bear.

Donald Trump has brought out the worst in white America, whether it was intentional did it or not.   

So why do white americans get behind a candidate like that? They have to know he won't do anymore for them than he'll do for us.  At the bottom is at the bottom---black AND white.

Perhaps Donald Trump gives them hope just like President Obama gave us.