What a Difference College Life Makes

It's funny how college can change the relationship between a parent and child. It certainly has changed mine.

Since my daughter went away to school, we talk EVERYDAY. She calls up and says the same thing:

"Whatcha doin'?"
My standard response is, "On the computer."
Then she says, "Guess what?"...and proceeds to tell me a story about something that happened in one of her classes or on the campus.

It's so funny because when we were living in the same house,there were times when we would go without speaking for days. Menopause and PMS ruled our worlds!

But now it seems there is less stress and anxiety to deal with. We're getting along very nicely from a distance. The truth of the matter is, I believe we have come to a point where we are really learning to respect each other. My daughter is finally starting to see there has been a method to my "You better get your butt in gear!" madness for the past four years. I, meanwhile, am seeing a caterpillar begin to break out into a beautiful butterfly.

Yeah, both of us are still a little rough around the edges with even more growing to do----but we now know we have a purpose----and it's a little boy named Jarod.

Aids & College Students

Why is it that some people never give a second thought to diseases like cancer or aids until it hits home?

Aids came up on my radar this morning when my daughter called from college to tell me some shocking news. Apparently there is information circulating on her campus that two-thirds of the students who tested for aids/HIV recently found out they were positive.

Granted, the number of students tested was low—a little over 100—in comparison to the student enrollment of more than 11,000---but what raises a more serious question for me, as a parent, is why does aids still seem out of control---especially for young African-Americans? Where is the education? Why have we failed in stressing the point about the fatal results of aids?

I did some research and found these startling facts. North Carolina, the state where my daughter goes to school, ranks in the Top Ten of NEW aids/HIV cases.

As of 2006, these were the reported numbers of new aids cases:

Ages 15-19, 5626
Ages 20-24, 36,225
Ages 25-29, 117,099
Ages 30-34, 197,530
Ages 35-39 213,573

When I mentioned this news on Twitter, one of my followers suggested I remove my daughter from the school. I have a better idea. Make it mandatory for EVERY prospective student take an Aids/HIV test before being allowed to be admitted.

What do you think needs to be done to stop this ever-increasing epidemic?

How to Stay Young

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. An idle mind is the devil's workshop. And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Make that laughter bring you to tears.

6. Learn how to cry sometimes: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to another county---but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

Like Mother, Like Daughter

It happens in many mother-daughter relationships. Sooner or later, you're going to realize you've turned into your mother. I vowed early in life that I would never, ever be like my mom but, for some reason, it just got passed on in the genes.

I discovered my "I'm just like my mother" behavior when I became a parent. I found myself acting like her in terms of how I disciplined my child and dealt with her peers. My mother was a no-nonsense kind of woman. You clearly understood your boundaries as a child. There was no "I'm your mother and your friend" relationship." I wasn't allowed to associate with certain children because my mother knew their parents and if she didn't know the parents, she had to know them FIRST before I was given permission to associate with their children.

So what prompted me to write this today? A phone call from my college daughter. She told me about an encounter she had with one of her Instructors. As she told me the story of how she challenged her, I smiled as I reflected on a few of my own challenges at Ohio University. I thought to myself, "dear, this is just the beginning."

Then she said something that sounded so familiar, "I can't believe it...I'm turning into you!"

Well, maybe that gene pool wasn't so bad after all :)

Happy Grandparents Day

I am a baby boomer. I am also a grandmother. Today has been designated as a special day for me and millions of others who walk in similar shoes. This is Grandparents’ Day

Grandparent's Day is celebrated in September, on the first Sunday following Labor Day. The idea to create the special day was originated by a woman named Marian McQuade. The West Virginia homemaker and mother of 15 children believed there should be a day to celebrate and honor the lonely elderly in nursing homes. She also hoped to encourage grandchildren to inherit the wisdom and heritage from their grandparents.

In 1978, President Jimmy Carter made it a national holiday. National Grandparents Day was first celebrated on Sunday, September 9, 1979.

Some Grandparent facts:

According to the Census Bureau, there are 6.1 million grandparents who have children under 18-years-old living with them. I am a part of that statistic.

Thirty percent of all children are cared for by grandparents whose parents work outside the home.

The average age of a boomer grandparent is 53.4 years old.

Data shows nearly 40 percent of boomers are grandparents. In real numbers, that translates to roughly 30 million.

More than three-quarters (76.5 percent) of boomer grandparents own their homes, and 46.4 percent generate more than $50,000 in household income.

So, if you’re reading this and you’re a grandparent, Happy Grandparents Day and may God continue to give you the strength to persevere.

Parenting 101: The First Semester

As a new college parent, I am learning how to step back and allow my daughter to take control of her own. Just like any parent, I want the best for her but I understand my parenting needs to be different.

When you "hover" over your child you build a barrier between you and your college student. You give them the message that they cannot do anything on their own without their mother and father.

Here are some tips I found useful from an article I read recently:

1. Avoid too many phone calls during the week. Establish a once a week time to talk. Use this time to catch up with everything that has happened. It may be 15, 20, or 30 minutes. The point is, you are not there constantly hovering over your new college student. Let them know that if they need to talk, you are available. But don't just call to be calling. You may make them feel as if you're checking up on them.

2. Encourage your college student to seek available resources at school. Make sure your child knows who their academic advisors are and encourage them to seek them out for the advice they need. Other resources include student affairs, career centers, medical clinics and other counseling centers. Your student should be familiar with these resources available to college students.

3. Encourage your child to get involved. Throughout their college years, your child should engage in their college's ongoing student activities. You can also suggest that they volunteer for charitable activities. Healthy activities help to combat some of the loneliness your new college student child may feel when they first go to college. And, it's a perfect opportunity for them to meet a diverse group of friends.

4. Let them be in charge of their own finances. Credit cards are disasters waiting to happen. Adults have issues with credit cards. How can we expect a college student to do better? Instead, you should be clear about their monthly living expenses. Use a debit card and each month deposit a set amount. Do not give ANY additional money, unless there is an emergency. This gets your child in the rhythm of budgeting and will teach them how to become more independent.

Parenting a College Student

The other day I came across an interesting article about parenting and college students. Since I am now the baby boomer mom of a college freshman, I took note of what it had to say.

The Professor from Emory University offered some tips on Parenting Your College Student.

He says “you won't be able to wait for them to come home – or leave.” Boy, was he right about that! She’s only been away from home for two weeks and she’s come home both weekends. Some people might be starting to question if she’s really in college.

• Don't change your child's room. The student's room is 'home base' – try not to change it very much during his or her first semester away. Freshmen in particular can go through some very difficult times, passing exams, establishing new friendships, surviving in a setting where they are not 'top dog,' and often fearing that admissions has made a mistake – that they do not really belong at college. Give them a 'safe haven.”

I guess that means I won’t get to have that office I was planning on!

• When a problem arises, "move like your feet are stuck in molasses." The temptation is to intervene when a child calls home with a problem. Remember that many resources exist at college to help students cope with various situations.

That's good to know because I did enough "intervening" for the first 18 years of her life!

• Don't expect the same grades in college that the students got in high school. All I have to say to that is, SHE’D BETTER NOT!!!