Now that my baby has a baby, I am even more concerned about how I've raised her. You see, as a baby boomer mom and grandma, I now understand how much parenting, good or bad, can affect a child's life and that behavior gets passed down from generation to generation.
I bring this up because of a conversation my daughter and I had while traveling together last week. "Get into the Groove" by Madonna came on the radio. Immediately she said, "I remember you used to exercise to that song."
She was right. I used to pop in the Madonna Live tape, move the living room furniture and get my fitness groove on. I have to admit I was shocked she remembered because she couldn't have been more than 3 years old at the time. Madonna's song opened the door for other mother-daughter memories. This was her opportunity to tell me what she didn't like about me.
I learned she absolutely hated all of the times I used to visit and/or volunteer at her school. I was there so much, she said, many of her fellow students thought I worked there. She also hated how I grilled her friends about their grades, goals and yes, their parents.
Here's the point: What we say and do in front of our children and grandchildren will have a lasting impact---whether we want to believe it or not.
It may be too late to right the wrongs with your children but you can still make a positive difference with your grandchildren.
I figure it this way: If my grandson gets the benefit of seeing his mom exercise to a Beyonce video, while keeping a guarded eye on who he's hanging out with and grimacing over her taking an active role in his education, then my actions as her mother haven't been that bad after all.
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3 comments:
ah yes, the embarassment of being one of 30 moms that dared to invade our child's space and help in the classroom.
been there, done that! But guess what-while our daughter was trying to work, she had to also fill in at her day care to cover her costs (don't ask), she found that all those years that her father and I toiled at our day care business was useful.
But even then, Dylan and Aidan still weren't thrilled (even at 18 & 6 months) to have mom invading their private domain.
I'm betting that your daughter will find herself doing many of the same things that you did and that she hated as a child. Now that she is a parent, she will regard your interfering ways in a whole different light--if not right now, then certainly a little later on.
Boy, Beverly, have you got that one right!
I'm not lucky enough to have grandchildren but I have "enjoyed" the stroll down memory lane with my daughter. I, too, was very active as a school volunteer in her early years; I was also her Brownie leader. I thought she would look back on these motherly tasks with great affection. Not so! But, as you report, someday she may come to realize that these actions weren't that bad after all. I can't wait!!!
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