Being a Sperm Donor Doesn't Make You a Daddy

My husband isn't the father of my child but he deserves to be honored on Father's Day. He has been more like a dad than my daughter's biological father ever was.

We are a part of an ever growing number of blended families in this country. According to statistics, over fifty percent of US familieis are re-married or re-coupled and 1300 new stepfamilies are forming every day.

Here are some other interesting statistics from the National Fatherhood Initiative:

•Children with involved, loving fathers are significantly more likely to do well in school, have healthy self-esteem, exhibit empathy and pro-social behavior, and avoid high-risk behaviors such as drug use, truancy, and criminal activity compared to children who have uninvolved fathers.

•Studies on parent-child relationships and child wellbeing show that father love is an important factor in predicting the social, emotional, and cognitive development and functioning of children and young adults.

•24 million children (34 percent) live absent their biological father.

•Nearly 20 million children (27 percent) live in single-parent homes.

•43 percent of first marriages dissolve within fifteen years; about 60 percent of divorcing couples have children; and approximately one million children each year experience the divorce of their parents.

•Fathers who live with their children are more likely to have a close, enduring relationship with their children than those who do not.

•About 40 percent of children in father-absent homes have not seen their father at all during the past year; 26 percent of absent fathers live in a different state than their children; and 50 percent of children living absent their father have never set foot in their father's home.

•Children who live absent their biological fathers are, on average, at least two to three times more likely to be poor, to use drugs, to experience educational, health, emotional and behavioral problems, to be victims of child abuse, and to engage in criminal behavior than their peers who live with their married, biological (or adoptive) parents.

Kids Say the Darndest Things about God

As a part of the nurturing process I talk to my three-year-old grandson about Jesus and God. While I'm not trying to make him "religious", I do want him to grow up and understand how important God is in all of our lives.

Afrer church this morning, we went to brunch. Before we ate, we blessed the food (as we always do). After tasting his eggs, Jarod said, "This food is good. Thank you God."

When we got home, I decided to lay down because I didn't feel too well. Jarod came into my room and said, "Grandma, you don't feel well?" I said, "No. I'm just going to lie down and get some rest for a little while."

As he was walking out of my room he said, "I'm gonna ask Jesus if you can come sleep with Him."

"No, no," I replied. "I think I'd like to just sleep in my own bed for now."

I couldn't help but smile through the tears.

Marriage The Second Time Around

Is marriage really better the second time around? As one who falls into that category, I say absolutely! I'm very excited and feel blessed to have been given another opportunity to love again.

Isn't it interesting how differently we think when we're young as opposed to when we grow older and wiser? When I look back over my younger days, I realize I spent way too much time craving the WRONG man for all of the RIGHT reasons. I wanted to feel love, to be loved, and to give love in return but the sex clouded my judgement in making sure I was choosing the right mate.

One of the beautiful things about growing older is it gives us the benefit of wisdom. That, in turn, allows us to make smarter choices. As for me, I'm smart enough not to believe in love at first sight anymore. One reason being, I don't see quite as well as I used to. I'm also smart enough to be more discriminating in my taste. I've learned how to weed out the imitation from the real thing.

So now I'm happy to say God has blessed me with a new love. He's a man who's strong enough to deal with my strengths, yet gentle enough to understand and cope with my emotional stress and strife. I'm totally enjoying my second marriage and yes, it makes lusting after him even better!

Excerpts taken from Chapter Two of my book, Whatever! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age

Running Out of Options

In 1996, I started boycotting Mobil Oil for disparaging racial comments made during an Executive Board Meeting.

In 1999, I stopped buying gas at Exxon because of the Valdez oil spill and the slap on the wrist given to the captain on the ship.

Now, it looks like I'm going to have to add BP to that list. What happened in April is nothing short of a catastrophe. From the beginning of this mess, I knew it was bigger than it was being reported. The media was spoon fed information and went with it until BP officials could no longer deny the mess they created.

The BP Spill not only affects the livelihood of fishermen on the Gulf Coast, it also affects seafood lovers like me who live thousands of miles away.

The BP spill is one also more example as to why we MUST find alternative means to oil.

Paying Your Tithes Online

When I went to church on Sunday, the Pastor made an announcement that kind of surprised me. He told the congregation we could now pay our tithes online.

I assume this is a trend more and more churches are following, which makes it easier to collect the one-tenth we are supposed to give from the financial blessings God has given us.

Why should paying our tithes online be any different than paying our bills online? Paying our bills online not only saves us a stamp but it also saves us gas money since we don't have to drive to the location to pay in person.

Is that what's going to happen with the church? Are some of us going to start paying our tithes online so we don't have to drive to the House of God to pay in person?

Paying online seems like an "opt out" clause to me. You can still honor your tithing commitment, without having to be in church. Will this trend form a new generation of the Bedside Baptists.

What do you think?

Baby Boomers and The Country Club Mentality

Prior to leaving campus for the summer my daughter asked me to come visit so I could go apartment hunting with her.

Much to my surprise, every apartment complex she liked at had a pool and fitness center. The landscaping was impeccable and some were gated communitities---which means a security guard had to approve your entrance. Rent ranged from $595 to $800.

My, how college life has changed!

My first apartment in college was on the upper floor of a two bedroom house. It wasn't in the best condition but it was liveable and it was quiet. It had a stove and refrigerator but no fancy carpet and certainly no pool in the back yard. My fitness workout was the distance I had to walk from my apartment to campus. My rent was $100/mo plus utilities.

OK, so that was more than 30 years ago and I do understand the cost of living and all but what happened to the little mom and pop landlords who just want to help out students who are trying to advance in life? Do they exist anymore?

But then I thought maybe that's not the issue. Maybe my daughter didn't seek them out because she has become accustomed to a certain lifestyle. She has never known what "second hand" is or had to live in a less than desireable home. She grew up with a country club mentality because of her parents.

I believe we, as baby boomer parents, have to look at ourselves when it comes to how our children are growing up. Many young people today feel a sense of entitlement. Why? Because we have given it to them. A lot of them have no clue as to what it's like to struggle for anything because we constantly provide for them---even to a fault.

To my daughter's credit though, she does have a job and has been operating on a budget. She is also mindful of the fact that she has a son for whom she must provide for.

By the end of our apartment hunting, she came to the conclusion that she needed to give it more thought and work out a financial plan.

Pretty smart for a young lady who came from a country club mentality.

3 Rules for Work

Each day as I'm driving my grandson to daycare, I feel it necessary to reinforce the Grandma Rules for Daycare.

1) "Don't let Miss Candy have to call me about your behavior."

2) "Don't be mean to others and make sure you share."

3) "Have a good day!"


Today, this little three-year-old decided to give ME some rules as I was preparing to meet a client.

1) He said, "Don't get in a fight with nobody."

2) "If you get some popcorn make sure you share it with everybody."

3) "Have a good day!"


Yes, our children do watch and listen.