When the Saints Go Marching In

Oh, when the saints go marching in
Oh, when the saints go marching in
Lord, how I want to be in that number
When the saints go marching in

Based on what I've learned about my grandmother in the last 48 hours, I wonder if that's a song she sang to repent.

I have discovered that my dear sweet grandma wasn't as dear and as sweet as she portrayed herself in her latter years. As a matter of fact, she had quite a reputation in a small Alabama town back in the 1920s. After her husband died, she allegedly found comfort in the arms of other men and ended up having two babies by two different fathers---in addition to the four children she already had.

She took her secrets to her grave---leaving only the gossip about her life to be passed down from generation to generation.

If you want to research your family history, a site I recommend is FamilySearch.org

The Genealogy Search Continues

On Friday I received a letter from the Alabama Office of Vital Records. This was in response to my $35.50 request to receive a copy of my dad's birth certificate so I could see who my grandmother listed as the father.

Before opening the letter I said a little prayer asking God to prepare me for whatever I might read.

This is what the letter said:

CERTIFICATE OF FAILURE TO FIND

STATE OF ALABAMA
DEPARTMENT OF PUBLIC HEALTH

CENTER FOR HEALTH STATISTICS
OFFICE OF VITAL RECORDS

August 4, 2010

I certify that a diligent search of the records in my custody has been completed for the years 1920 - 1934, and no certificate of live birth was found to exist for LEWIS MOTON MAHONE, born July 22, 1926 in Macon County, Alabama, to SAMANTHA CASTON

Signed by Catherine Molchan Donald
State Registrar of Vital Statistics

Another dead end.

Unspeakable Truth

I spent a good part of my day yesterday searching for clues surrounding the mystery of my father's father.

Because I know my grandmother's maiden name, I was busy trying to find possible relatives who would be connected to her. White Pages and Zabasearch got me only so far by at least providing some recognizable names and addresses, however, the numbers they listed have been disconnected with no new information available.

I then tried to find out more information through the census records--only to find that they send you to ancestry.com, who then turns arounds and makes you pay to find out the information you're looking for.

I did end up paying $35.50 for a copy of my father's birth certificate from the Alabama Dept. of Vital Records. Hopefully, there will be a record on file to shed more light on this mystery.

I don't know what I find more disturbing about this story: The fact that my grandmother, a woman who was crowned a "saint" in her latter years, was fooling around and had TWO children out of wedlock back in the 1920s....or the fact that no one, after all of these years, felt it was important to come clean with their UNSPEAKABLE TRUTH!

Secrets and Lies

On Sunday, while on Facebook, I was befriended by someone with the same last name. It piqued my curiosity so I explored his page and discovered a "Mahone" family reunion coming up in August. How cool, I thought since I've never been to a family reunion on my father's side. But first, I had to confirm that I was related to this group of Mahones.

What I discovered in the hours following that had my head spinning and left more questions than answers.

I called my cousin in Maryland. She dropped a bombshell. My dad wasn't really a Mahone because the man I had known as "Grandpa Joe" wasn't really his father or my grandfather. Joseph Mahone apparently died about six weeks after my Uncle James was born---and my Uncle James was born nine years before my dad was born.

I will admit that about 30 years ago my Uncle James did mention something about him raising my daddy because he didn't have a daddy but Uncle James liked to drink so I heard what he said but wasn't really listening.

The journalist in me now wishes I had been doing more than listening and that I had grilled him on what the truth was.

I have no idea what my daddy knew or didn't know because he never talked about a father. Whatever he did know he took with him to his grave when he passed away in 1983.

That secret and whatever lies are associated with my dad's birth have also been buried with my grandmother and her siblings because they are all now dead as well.

What in the world could've been going in in 1925-26?

Change Happens

This week the largest tree in our front yard toppled over during a rain storm. Although it destroyed my beautiful rose bush and was a total mess to clean up, it didn't cause any property damage and there were no injuries.

What was so surprising about this is the fact that no other trees in our neighborhood were damaged. Was this a sign? A sign of what?

After spending two days cutting and clearing the debris, our house now has a new look. That picturesque view seems so naked without that tree and my lovely red rose bush.

Losing that tree is a reminder that CHANGE HAPPENS.

That tree has changed the landscape of our home. It wasn't a decision we made. It was a decision made for us by Mother Nature.

The point is this: Throughout our lives, change will happen. One day we are single--then we are married. One day we are young--then we grow old. One day we have a job--the next day we may not. One day you're on top of the world--the next day the world's on top of you. One day your tree will be standing--the next day it will fall....and so on and so forth.

It's best to be prepared for the unexpected---but even if you aren't prepared, be ready to deal with the aftermath.

Living in Fear

I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure in 1999 at the age of 42. My father died of heart disease in 1983 at the age of 52.

In January of 2009, I started living in fear---fear that I would not live to see the age of 53---just like my dad.

Before being diagnosed with congestive heart failure, I assumed my symptoms were the result of menopause. I started experiencing peri-menopausal symptoms in my early 40s and went into full-blown menopause at 50. I’m writing this to tell you, DO NOT MAKE THAT ASSUMPTION. If you experience any of the following symptoms, you may be experiencing heart failure in addition to menopause:

•Shortness of breath during physical activity or even while lying in bed
•bloating
•a sudden weight gain ( I chalked this up to a slow down in metabolism)
•swollen feet, ankles or legs
•fatigue or weakness
•confusion or decreased alertness (I was calling this “meno-moments.”
•nausea or loss of apetite
•rapid or irregular heartbeat
•the need to urinate more often during the night
•waking up due to shortness of breath
•frequent cough or wheezing
•swollen neck veins (I thought this was solely related to my thyroid disorder)

When your heart isn’t pumping properly, blood from the lungs or from the rest of the body backs up—similar to the way traffic backs up at rush hour. So get out of your traffic jam, visit your doctor and get your heart checked. You owe it to yourself to get to the heart of the matter.

I'm happy to report that I made it past 52 this year but I'm not taking anything for granted.

Being a Sperm Donor Doesn't Make You a Daddy

My husband isn't the father of my child but he deserves to be honored on Father's Day. He has been more like a dad than my daughter's biological father ever was.

We are a part of an ever growing number of blended families in this country. According to statistics, over fifty percent of US familieis are re-married or re-coupled and 1300 new stepfamilies are forming every day.

Here are some other interesting statistics from the National Fatherhood Initiative:

•Children with involved, loving fathers are significantly more likely to do well in school, have healthy self-esteem, exhibit empathy and pro-social behavior, and avoid high-risk behaviors such as drug use, truancy, and criminal activity compared to children who have uninvolved fathers.

•Studies on parent-child relationships and child wellbeing show that father love is an important factor in predicting the social, emotional, and cognitive development and functioning of children and young adults.

•24 million children (34 percent) live absent their biological father.

•Nearly 20 million children (27 percent) live in single-parent homes.

•43 percent of first marriages dissolve within fifteen years; about 60 percent of divorcing couples have children; and approximately one million children each year experience the divorce of their parents.

•Fathers who live with their children are more likely to have a close, enduring relationship with their children than those who do not.

•About 40 percent of children in father-absent homes have not seen their father at all during the past year; 26 percent of absent fathers live in a different state than their children; and 50 percent of children living absent their father have never set foot in their father's home.

•Children who live absent their biological fathers are, on average, at least two to three times more likely to be poor, to use drugs, to experience educational, health, emotional and behavioral problems, to be victims of child abuse, and to engage in criminal behavior than their peers who live with their married, biological (or adoptive) parents.