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Spice Up Your Romance this Valentine' Day!

Year after year as Valentine’s Day approaches, I hear my middle-aged girlfriends complain about how the spark has gone out of their relationships with the "man of their dreams." They tell me he isn't attentive anymore or he works long hours and then comes home too tired or they even suspect there might be a little "foul play" going on with another woman--and a YOUNGER one at that.

Well, my dear sisters make this Valentine’s Day the day you turn up the heat in the romance department.

Do you know why some older men are sexually attractive to younger women? Because they are adventurous! They have an experimental attitude and don't mind doing what it takes to please their partner.

We were once like that, remember? Well, maybe I should just speak for myself but I recall the days when I couldn't get enough pleasure from my man and he was more than willing to oblige. Has growing older made us become prudish all of a sudden or did we not realize the man we married had an over-active sex drive?

Just because we age doesn't mean the romantic flames have to die does it? The first thing you must ask yourself, honestly, is what did you do to kill the romance if it's gone. If you can honestly say it's not your fault then you need to do a reality check on exactly why you chose the person you're with and if it wasn't for romance, then you shouldn't be complaining at this stage of the game.

There ways to help keep that romance and magic alive. Here are some suggestions that work for this middle aged happily-married woman:

Establish a secret word or a secret phrase between the two of you and decide that every time you say the word, you will share a passionate kiss or a gentle touch. The word might be one that holds a special meaning for the two of you or maybe choose a word that is sexy.

Turn your dinner into a romantic dining experience. It has been said that it is "mood, not food that sets a romantic scene." You don’t need to spend a lot of money for this one. Whether you’re cooking a meal or ordering take out, put some fresh cut flowers in a vase, even if they come from your own yard, and then dim the lights, light some candles, pour some wine and enjoy the ambience. Or maybe even cuddle up on the couch together with some junk food and watch listen to some soft, soothing music.

Speaking of music, why not get up close and personal by dancing cheek-to-cheek with your bodies touching ever so closely? You don’t have to go out for a night on the town to do this. Put on some Luther Vandross or Barry White and let the romance begin—in the kitchen, living room or bedroom. Dancing helps to keep romance alive and it is fun and a way for couples to positively connect with one another.

Touch and kiss each other at every opportunity and this includes those non-sexual moments. Kissing and touching isn’t always about foreplay before sex takes place. And make those kisses passionate! Pecks on the cheek are for children and not for mature lovers.

Try reading sexy literature to each other in bed or when you are cuddled up together on the couch. Take turns being the narrator and if asked to re-read a particularly erotic scene, do so willingly. Fiction can be very romantic if you choose the right books to read. Both the reading and the listening can be very romantic for both parties. Try wearing some alluring lingerie while you read and then listen and stroke your mate as you listen to the sound of his sexy voice as he reads steamy fiction to you in the dark or by candlelight.
Scent is very romantic so wear some of his favorite perfume and spritz a touch of your favorite aromatherapy on your pillow to set the lovemaking mood. Don't be afraid to try something different. Role playing can be very enticing and a lot of fun!

I, personally, love it when my husband writes me a romantic letter because I know it came straight from his heart.

Most importantly, don't be afraid to communicate your desires and try to be as open-minded as you were back then. But don't be afraid to let him know what you don't like. He shouldn't be offended if he wants to please you.

Make this Valentine’s Day be one of fun, fantasy and fulfillment! You may discover, just as I have, that he makes you "hotter" than a "hot flash!"

Beverly Mahone is a veteran journalist and author of the book, “Whatever! A Baby Boomer’s Journey Into Middle Age. For more information, visit her website at


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