Skip to main content

Lordy, Lordy, are there any good men still left over 40?

It’s safe to say that if I knew then what I know now, I would’ve definitely taken a different approach in my pursuit of finding Mr. Right. What about you? How much have your thoughts and feelings changed over the years about love and marriage? I made a checklist of things I was on the lookout for prior to hitting the middle-age dating scene again, so I could resolve any issues that could have an impact on my happily-ever-after the second time around.

Compare my list to yours.

Has he ever been married or divorced?

That’s important to know—especially if you’ve been divorced like me. It’s been my experience that older people, who’ve been single for a while, tend to develop a mindset and get used to doing things their own way because they don’t have to answer to anyone. The dating part of the relationship can be a lot of fun, but when you decide to make that trip down the aisle and move into each other’s space, your living together could end up being cramped and uncomfortable. Some people should be prepared to face the hard-core reality that they may be better off alone.

What kind of baggage is coming into the relationship?

Dating during middle age can be challenging because all of us bring some baggage into each other’s lives. Some of us have packed so much stuff over the years from bad relationships that we could take a trip around the world twice.

They say time heals all wounds. That may be true, but you need to find out how old and deep those wounds are. In my case, I tried dating about six months after my divorce. It was someone I had known years ago, and I had always wanted a second chance. But the wounds from my tumultuous marriage and divorce were still fresh. No matter how much I wanted the relationship to work, I couldn’t get past the anger and resentment. It caused me to slip into a deep depression and made being around me an unpleasant experience. That was my baggage. But, thank God, I unpacked my suitcase and threw that “junk” away.

On the other hand, if your middle-aged prospective mate has some very old, deep wounds and can’t seem to get over the past, it might be wise for you to get over him. I once dated a man who actually caught his wife in the physical act of cheating and, although they had been divorced for ten years, he couldn’t get over it. He even admitted he could never trust another woman again because of it. That was a major red flag.

Character matters!

Years ago when I was actively pursuing a husband, I had one very important criteria. He had to come from good stock. By that I meant he had to have a gene pool that generated good looks and intelligence. Of course, I’ve since learned that he can be as fine as Denzel Washington or Brad Pitt with an IQ that would put Einstein to shame, but if he doesn’t have character, he’s missing a key ingredient.

If, in your search, you’re willing to accept someone who is known for being a ladies’ man, breaks dates without explanation, forgets birthdays, anniversaries, and other special occasions, doesn’t show much respect for his mother or, worse yet, can’t keep his hands to himself when he’s mad at you, then all I have to say is you’re getting what you deserve.

You can read more about finding Mr. Right in my book, "Whatever! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age. Available on


Popular posts from this blog

Thank You Lebron James for Fulfilling My Bucket Wish List

You can't grow up in Northeastern Ohio and not be a sports fan.  As a cheerleader in middle and high schools, I came to appreciate and UNDERSTAND the game of football and basketball.  

I remember Marion Motley from the OLD Cleveland (Bulldogs) Browns coming over our house to socialize with my parents.  (He and my mother went to high school together).  I remember  Brian Sipe and the "Kardiac Kids" who always had me on the edge of my seat when they were playing.  I remember how proud I was when my high school classmate Phil Hubbard made his presence known on the Cleveland Cavaliers, along with Brad Daugherty, Ron Harper and Mark Price (the Cavalier's three-point king).

But in all of those years, we never won a championship or even came close.  My saddest memory is the 1987 AFC Championship Game between the Browns and Broncos on January 17, 1988 at Mile High Stadium. With 1:12 left in the game, Browns running back Earnest Byner fumbled on the Broncos 1 yard line while try…

Donald Trump Has Brought Out the Worst in America

This isn't meant to be another one of those bash Donald Trump blog posts.  This is, instead, a commentary on the negativity his campaign has sparked.  

Racists have come out of the woodwork like roaches in the dark.  For the most part, these supporters would be classified as poor whites, angry because they can't advance with little or no education and the majority of them would also be identified as angry white males.  They have taken off their hoods, jumped on his bandwagon, taken off their hoods and are leading the "make America great" campaign.  They have gotten behind a candidate who spews some of the nastiest comments and behaved in such a manner that has to embarrass any decent, conscientious, law-abiding white person in America.  

People like 78-year-old man John Franklin McGraw of North Carolina have felt free to assault non Trump supporters at presidential candidate's rallies.  "The victim deserved it.  The next time we see him we might have to kill h…

Millennials Want Their Own Day

In case you haven't heard the news, there's a online petition encouraging the man they call the President of the U.S. to establish a National Millennials Day.

Self-proclaimed millennial leaders James Goodnow and Ryan Avery want to establish June 19 as a day for Generation Y to dispel the FAKE NEWS being spread about them.  They say they simply want to show those of us who have labeled them as "entitled" selfish" lazy" "narcissistic" (and other choice adjectives) that they can be important contributors to society.  Their "vision is to make National Millennials Day a day of service--a day when they reach out and help others in their communities.

 According to their website,, organizers say "With National Millennials Day, we want to turn the stereotypes inside--out.  To show that we're more GENERATION WE than Generation ME. To transform ideals into actions.  To inspire hope for the future.  To celebrate the most open…